STUPID LIBRA II

I'm just doing this off the top of my head instead of what I usually do which is prepare :-)

Despite recent rants, my Best Friend has been my friend since I was a senior in high school back in October 1995. We've got a lot of history. We've had our assorted ups and downs and we've had many adventures together. In addition, we've also become quite adept at getting on each other's nerves. This is not a recent development brought about by our new lives together in this apartment. I have memories of hanging up the phone on her back in college. We had one fight so bad that I didn't talk to her for about two months (much easier to do when you're not living with each other). I don't even remember how we started fighting that time, but I do remember hanging up the phone on her as it was quite satisfying. Our argument devolved to the point where my Best Friend was telling me things like, "Why can't you talk like Pulp Fiction does (a friend of hers at the time)? Why can't you give advice like Pulp Fiction? Pulp Fiction always gives good advice. Why can't you be deep like Pulp Fiction?" and so on like that until I got so frustrated that I said, "Then why don't you fucking call Pulp Fiction?" and hung up on her. Back then, I was furious. In hindsight, I find it hilarious. We've always had this unwritten rule that whoever hangs up on the other is automatically "wrong" and must be the next one to call. We've each hung up on each other numerous times over the years and it's always been like that. I've always liked that approach. I always looked at hanging up the phone on someone as the rough equivalent of turning over the checkerboard when you're losing. You flip over the checkerboard, you have to do the make-good. My Best Friend and I have that mutual understanding and I've always appreciated that about her.

When she's in a good mood (which is more often than I let on), she has this charming goofiness about her that I personally find adorable. She's truly a joy to be around when she's feeling carefree. And it's always the most silly stuff -- out of context TV quotes, verses from obscure songs ("Banapple Gas" anyone?), odd drawings (some of which are actually funny -- I remember one she drew of a girl getting caught cheating by her boyfriend. She says to the boyfriend, "But honey, I swear I was thinking of you the whole time!"), etc. Since living with her, I've also learned that she likes singing in the shower. Not for real singing, just occasional lines of verse done without a care as to who's listening. I don't care nor do I know if it's in key or not, but it makes me smile and/or giggle to hear it.

This one's dumb, I admit, but my Best Friend's also the only person I have ever met who remembers a television show called Turkey TV which aired on Nickelodeon back in the mid-80's. It was also fun singing the theme to Hey Dude! together.

My Best Friend values my opinion and my advice (when she asks for it at least! :-D) and not just because I'm the easiest to get a hold of. This isn't something she's ever told me. This is one of those things I've found out about by happy accident such as overhearing a phone call to someone who's never met me and hearing her praise me for listening and giving her advice she's actually putting to use. I've even overheard her defending to those who have met me. We fight a lot, but she also knows me quite well. Even at times when my Best Friend had more friends than she could handle, she would never forget about me and back when we lived far apart, she would make sure that I met her friends whenever we were together. Admittedly this has been difficult since I've begun working overnights in retail (who has off on Mondays and Tuesdays to hang out?), but whenever an opportunity arose, she made sure I was there like her birthday last year.

I also really appreciate that my Best Friend wants me around for even the most mundane of outings like window shopping at the mall or even just to hang out a little bit while her car's oil gets changed. This is one of the few things that have never slowed down during our long friendship. Many days I've felt lonely and unwanted and never told my Best Friend that I was so and was secretly made happy that she was in the area, would give me a call, and asked if I would like to accompany her to the mall (or some other store) and bring some emotional relief to an otherwise depressing afternoon. I was always happy to be included as I've spent far too many days not being. How many people have I spoken to since moving back to New Jersey? It's been almost ten years and again, I've yet to break into anyone's circle of friends. I've yet to get a casual invite anywhere. If I don't say hello first to the people around my age, I never hear anything. The only people who talk to me at all are either married or are in committed relationships. Otherwise, I get the perfunctory hello from those who work my shift and that's it. That's how it's been. The single girls are always curiously silent at work and the guys my age have no interest in having me hang out with them either. The Security Guard seems to like talking to me so I should watch my tongue; but we've yet to hang out despite casual promises to do so (I've heard that several times before from several different people so my hopes are not up). But I could always call my Best Friend.

My Best Friend and I also tend to hate many of the same things. It's an odd way to bond, but I must admit, that it's a very satisfying one. We have very vicious ways of looking at certain things, and knowing that she doesn't get turned off by the worst of my thoughts (nor does she judge me negatively for them either) is very comforting. I truly appreciate that I can share the blackness of my soul with her and I also appreciate that she trusts me with the dark side of her soul as well.

I also like that I've known her so long that I have to actually remember that there was a time we didn't know each other. I'm proud to have such thoughts. It's wonderful to experience that kind of forgetfulness!

My Best Friend and I are truly siblings, if not by blood then by heart. The greatest comfort of all that she gives me is that no matter how much we fight, we know that we'll never abandon the other. Every one of you who has a brother and/or sister should know what I'm talking about. With my Best Friend, I'll take it all. Believe me, I'd much rather have the good be greater than the bad and I'd rather not complain about her as much as I do, but she's still my friend...warts and all.

That's what I've got off the top of my head. I'll add to it later if I feel like it.

(originally posted to That Other Journal on January 5, 2009)