LOVE AND MARRIAGE

      I'm taken aback by the lavishness of engagement rings. At some level, I find giving such ornate rings at the beginning of a fully committed relationships to be ass-backward. I say this not as someone who is cheap but as someone who grew up being told of the various gifts one traditionally receives for various wedding anniversaries. (We all remember "paper" as the first anniversary. Diamonds finally arrive at the fiftieth)

      The lesson I drew from this list was one of escalation. You start humbly and work your way up to ornateness. As your commitment grows, so does the value of your appreciation and gratitude. Shouldn't the same basic rule apply to the wedding ritual itself?

      Here's what I mean:

      The engagement is, at its heart, a promise to marry since ceremonies of this nature take time to prepare in terms of inviting guests, the setting, and the feast which will follow. At this point, the level of official commitment is nascent and the ring, I feel, should reflect this fact. For me, this would be a ring of silver. The Engagement Ring could be anything from a simple band to a hammered coin to something quite artistic-looking but it should be only silver with no set gemstones. There would even be symbolism in this. An engagement is meant to be temporary and last only so long as it takes to prepare the wedding proper. For anyone who owns or has owned silverware, they know it tarnishes in time. Yes, silver can be polished and dipped to restore its luster and such cleanings prior to a wedding could serve as reminders to hurry-the-fuck-up with the planning already.

      The Wedding Ring should be a simple band of gold. Again, it could be a plain band or one with a design to it and like the Engagement Ring, unadorned with gemstones. However, unlike the Engagement Ring, the Wedding Ring would be upgradeable to reflect a commitment of years.

      Milestone anniversaries would correspond with ring upgrades. The first one is important and after making it a year, the ring could be set with a single diamond. The fifth, tenth, twentieth, twenty-fifth, etc. anniversaries would correspond to additionally set diamonds. I guess the goal would be a diamond-encrusted ring reflecting a lifetime of commitment.

      Yes, I know. I'm weird...