Shortly after the Mystic entered my room, she remarked upon photographs of my Best Friend pointing out how beautiful she is and sweetly she comes across to which my roommate commented that while he wouldn't argue her physical beauty, he couldn't stand her personally. The Mystic inquired and he explained further.
Uh, hello! What the fuck?!! I've told several people in my life that my Best Friend is my best friend. You don't have to like her, but you have to accept her. That's a general condition for knowing me. My best friend has been a part of my life for fifteen years...she won't be the one going anywhere if you force the issue...YOU will be.
That being said, I don't care that my roommate doesn't like her: that's his prerogative. However, I DO care when you disrespect me. My roommate should've kept his opinions to his fucking self. He can voice them to me, he can voice them to his friends; hell, he can voice them to both me and her simultaneously, but what you don't do is speak badly about her in front of me while I'm with my friends. That's terribly disrespectful. It's equally disrespectful for him to do so in front of me while in front of his other friends (which he has done).
It really pisses me off that he does this and yet, each time it happens, I am in a position where I cannot simply leap down his throat for it as it would make me disrespectful to my guests to fight in front of them regardless of the righteousness of the cause. And of course, by the time the situation is more appropriate to yell at him about it, the context is lost. It's lose-lose for me and my roommate is again left thinking he is a better person than he actually is.
But then, I have an additional problem when it comes to arguing with him. He's bigger and much stronger than me and while that seems like a stupid thing to mention, I will quote this excerpt from his own online blog:
I've often stated that of all my buttons, the biggest, shiniest, jolliest, candy-like button is condescension. I have no problem with a healthy debate or people who strongly disagree with my point of view. It's your right. It takes all kinds. But you want me to punch a few teeth out of your smile? Dismiss my point of view. Talk down to me. Shut me down. Blow me off. If you have a head on your neck after that, consider yourself lottery-winning lucky. I will not be disrespected. It doesn't happen. Do I have issues? LOADS. Is that overreacting a bit? No. It's overreacting a lot. And I've made great strides in lengthening that fuse, but sorry, folks. I'm fully cooked. This hot button ain't going anywhere. So, keeping that in mind, if I were to have children, they would probably have a life expectancy of at best... thirteen.
The only other alternative would be for me to become a tyrant, to rule with fear, which would pretty much cancel out all those "not fucking up my kids" intentions. I'm not saying I wouldn't love my kids, but no amount of love can compensate for that kind of behavior. No amount of hugs and pats on the head and late night ice cream sundaes can make up for living under the unyielding terror of pissing me off, and never knowing what the trigger might be. I would wish that on no child. Ever.
How am I supposed to react to that? Seriously... I wanted to comment on his journal when he posted that he is a horrible person for saying this. He is, in effect, saying "agree with me or else". And while he would deny such a thing, how could I feel safe arguing with him not knowing at what point my words will be interpreted as condescension, dismissal, shutting him down, or blowing him off? The last time I expressed my actual opinion of him online, I later found out he spent almost an hour yelling at his best friend about it. [this would be about him stupidly posting online his "masseur" activities including not only incriminating details for him but effectively implicating me as well since we share a household. The post has since been deleted but I do remember telling him to look up the word "discreet" in the dictionary]. His argument to his friend was that I should've told him to his face these opinions and not online. Now, while yes, we do coincidentally live together, my argument is that he posted this entry online and as such, it feels only appropriate to comment on it there...online. Had he told me this stuff to my face, then yes, I would tell him to his face. To comment on a real life discussion online would be inappropriate...don'tcha think? I know when I post things online, I want people to comment on it ONLINE. It bugs me when I'm at work and someone mentions a post of mine. Validate my online posts online please, not in real life!
In the excerpt I quoted, my roommate was talking about why he doesn't want kids. I like how he would not want to rule over his children as a tyrant and having them live in fear of pushing his ill-defined buttons, but he apparently has no qualms about doing so with his friends and family. He's a real jackass. He seems to be living under this assumption that just because there are two different points of view, that either of them are equally valid. I'm not sorry to point out that that's not the case. Occasionally, not only is your opinion groundless, but you can also be flat wrong and at no point am I required to treat your side like it's even relevant. Oh shit! Here comes a punch to throat! My roommate is effectively saying he is a bully [all the while he decries bullying].
I needed a few months to cool off after living with my Best Friend. I wonder how long I'll need to cool off from my current roommate? Living together was his biggest mistake as it has only caused my liking and respect for him to decline precipitously. He'll never get it back and surprisingly, that makes me sad. Living with him has been a mistake for me as well, but not as big a one as he has made living with me... I hate believing that he has been an illusory friend; that he only remained in so lofty a position because I simply rarely saw him. I've seen my Best Friend a lot and while we have fought a lot, it doesn't affect my love for her as our friendship is incredibly strong and can tolerate our occasionally turbulent emotions. We are like willow trees...deceptively strong. People around us may see a fracturing relationship, but we are as strong, if not stronger, as we have ever been. My roommate is like some mighty oak, but one whose roots have spread out through muddy soil leaving him vulnerable to a single strong storm. Sigh...
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