The fourth incarnation of my online dating profiles seem to be the charm. I may finally be on course to securing successfully a date off these things. So far, OKCupid seems to be a place to meet new friends as I am up to two so far and Plenty of Fish seems the better place for finding a date. I don't know why that is.
The timing was even good. I asked a girl out at work whom I am convinced is totally attracted to me. Although she accepted at first my invitation to "buy her dinner tomorrow after work", I think she misheard me and thought I had said, "get some dinner tomorrow after work." Hours later, she figured it out and told me that she had a boyfriend so I was sidelined. She still wants to be my friend, though. Though brief, I am going to classify her as the twelfth one and for want of a better alias, will refer to her as Number Twelve (or simply Twelve or whatever I feel like settling on).
Her behavior though, is confusing. Maybe she just likes me as sees something in me that she really needs in terms of friendship or maybe I'm right and she not only is really attracted to me but has also optioned me in the even of her current relationship's end. After her shift ended on Saturday, she spent a half hour exclusively with me at my register (despite other choices remaining available...VERY unusual for me. In fact, that's the first time that has happened to be in nearly eleven years), even bagging customers groceries so we could talk. She is not wanting for friends: I know this. So I'm confused as to what is going on. It's potentially a poisonous mix, but I intend to be a good boy and be solely her friend. She set the rule and now only she can change it. However, because she is confusing me...I feel it in my Mind that she has been reclassified as a Secondary.
To help my dear reader(s) out with my insanity, crushes come in four flavors: Primaries, Secondaries, Dormant, and Past. You can blame my Best Friend for this because simple answers were never enough for her. She long ago started me on a path of introspection. You get to suffer with the results. A Primary is an active crush and intense. A Secondary is more a passive crush that, while weaker in intensity, remains persistent. A Secondary can exist without a Primary but is usually overshadowed by one. Rabbit is an example of this. For over four years, she was never able to become a strong focus. A Dormant Crush is like an ember. The fire has gone out, but it still glows, fading as time goes on. The First One and Digby are examples of this. A Past Crush is a dead one. I have moved on completely in terms of longing. They will always be extremely attractive to me because that never changes, but...they're over. There are also Potentials, those who could be crushes but are missing that certain something to push them over the edge be it predictability of presence (don't see them enough...I have one in mind right now), immediate knowledge of their unavailability (either they're introduced as a girlfriend/wife of so&so or make their disinterest in you known immediately - a prerejection if you will), inappropriate context (let's say, at a funeral for the sake of example), etc. The list of Potentials would be quite long but often I've never learned their names because I only saw them once (or a couple of times at random).
If I sensed no attraction from Number Twelve, I would move on from her, but her confusing behavior is causing me to retreat into the shadows and watch...and wait...should the day ever come that I may be called upon. It could persist for years or new information could cause it to die quickly. For example...
I have received attention from four women in the past week on Plenty of Fish. One is just looking for friends (I hope, because I am not feeling it otherwise). Another seemed interested but I guess I failed that audition because I have not heard from her in days now. Another week and I'll delete her from my phone. Then I got two this morning. It's exciting, especially since both seem accepting of my baggage (my place of employment and lack of car/driving). One is moving faster than the other. I just hope I don't have to choose...that it works out to one or the other or the other because the last time I had to choose, I chose badly and have suffered under the effects of that "curse" for thirteen years now.
I am not in terra incognita yet, but I may very well be soon. This could be the first time in a while that I will really be putting my intelligence to the test...see if I can pull a relationship out of my ass with nothing to go on except suppositions, experiences with friends, exaggerations learned from television and movies, articles read, and anecdotes. Should be interesting...to say the least of it.
And here I wrote in a fit of sadness quite a number of Facebook status updates that were wonderfully depressing. I guess I won't be sharing them with my FB friends now...keep an eye out for them here one day :-)
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