The sadder I get, the more attracted to her I become. It's such a perverse thing. Is it because I can only count on her to bring me down? Is it because I just want to feel something that I can associate with her? Even if it's negative? She's not attracted to me. She doesn't want me, and for once it's not from my usual lack of trying. We'll never touch nor kiss nor make love. We'll never be there for each other in good times and bad. We can't make each other happy. We can't build a life together... She doesn't care nor is even likely aware that I still carry this torch for her. The only feelings I can reliably get from her are heartbreak ... sadness ... worthlessness ... emptiness ... unrealized hope ... impotence [
not that impotence!] ... misery ... heaviness ... longing.....
2½ years worth.....
It's such an unfair trade. I saw her for all of a few minutes on Wednesday night. Over thirty hours later, I'm still sad. I remember when I still had hope that she and I would be together how talking to her for five minutes would be enough to energize me for days at a time... How will this end? Why won't this end?
Oemer, maht seen sahxhe gelt nïhnen rhorda bis addyl sor...
ADDENDUM: Almost a week later and I'm still in a low, though not as low, place.
2 comments:
2½ years worth. life is too short. we've got to get you on match.com.
You'll have to let me know if you're getting these reply comments.
I'm moving towards that...slowly but surely. I don't let go easily nor do I give up easily when I believe in it. That's good when it's good but bad when it's bad.
I can rationalize it as dedication, right? ;-)
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