THOUGHTS I NORMALLY KEEP IN MY HEAD, part I

      I feel bad for my friends, especially those who are so kind and genuine when trying to cheer me up. I love them dearly and it bothers me so that their efforts feel so wasted on me. Try as they do, I have great difficulty looking on the bright side of life - as least when it comes to myself. I want desperately to believe that if they just don't give up on me, that their efforts will not be in vain...but my shell is a tough one to crack. How black is the ink in the well of my soul? No matter how many white drops of optimism are added to it, I fail to notice any greying...even after all these years. Is there any hope for me? I fear I'll lose everyone before I figure it out...