The normally white light of my thoughts during periods of self-reflection is often broken down to reveal the colors within. I like to think of my thoughts as the combination of three aspects: my Body, my Heart, and my Mind and this triangle is made tetrahedronal with the addition of the Voice.
Now, before you go thinking me crazy, I know all of what I'm about to say is just my brain. I just find it easier to understand myself and motivations when considering my actions as though manifested from the result of a compromise between the three aspects and their ultimate expression.
I think of my Body as my physical reaction to things, especially the involuntary public ones like blushing, disgust, terror, genuine smiles, and flop sweat and equally involuntary private ones like hunger, low-intensity pain, and attraction (I'm sure you can think of many others). While I have voluntary control over my movements and such, I have no such control over these kinds of reactions. They're about as natural as they come and since these reactions are worn on my sleeve, I tend to not like my Body so much being the secretive, cryptic man I am. I consider no wonder that I don't like looking at people directly when talking with them, preferring instead to do so over the phone or through IM chats where I can better hide my Body from others. I'm not ashamed of my body, I just wish I had more control over it. I don't like revealing "the truth" so readily and the Body is a ready betrayer of such truths.
The Heart is the source of involuntary passionate/active (hot, often reactionary) emotions and the Mind is the source of willed logical/passive (cold, often strategic) ones. Whereas the Heart may become enraged and want to act on it now (and the Body might shake with anger and surge with adrenaline and testosterone), the Mind would be more concerned with revenge and wait for a good opportunity to strike. The Heart is spontaneous/intuitive whereas the Mind is deliberate/observant. I also view the Heart as having a more selfless sensibility and the Mind as being more inherently selfish. And by that I mean that even though the desires of the Heart would be validly considered to be just as selfish as the desires of the Mind, the Heart's impulsiveness gives the feelings more of an air of altruism. The desires of the Heart spring from the gut, not from thought. You get combined emotions too with one of the two halves tending to be dominant. Cyber-Stalking, for example, is a deliberate action coupled with a(n unhealthy) passion. The Mind-dominant dual emotion poisons the Heart and vice-versa (like guilt which is a Heart-dominant emotion that poisons the Mind). There are mutually beneficial dual emotions too no doubt, but since I tend to focus on the negative, I'm having trouble thinking of any at the moment.
Of the three, I find the strongest in me to be my Mind and that doesn't make me feel good about myself. Of the three groups, only the Mind can speak English (or whatever language(s) you speak) whereas the Heart can only understand it. This ability to speak makes the Mind, in my opinion, the source of selfishness and evil. And for the sake of this article, "evil" means thoughts whose realization would make me the sole benefactor or the only one considered for satisfaction. For example, I would consider an increased interest in a girl because she has problems which can be exploited to be evil thoughts since I would be viewing her as tool or means to an end which benefits myself rather than as a human being deserving of kindness and compassion. My Mind doesn't view people as people, but more like numbers and equations which can be manipulated to some end. My Heart sees people. My Mind sees you and thinks, "Who are you?" whereas my Heart asks, "What do you want?" and my Body concerning itself with neither.
I am glad to have the friends I have because the vast majority of them I believe are Heart-dominant. They keep me human or at least feeling more human. It feels more natural to be dominated by the Heart and have it supplemented with the Mind.
The Heart and Mind are ultimately expressed by the Voice. Whereas the Body cannot lie, the Voice is able to do so. That's not to say the Voice is a liar, only that it can lie. The Voice is your actual spoken voice, which unlike the Body, is voluntary. The Voice is how you choose to express the turmoil between your Heart and Mind. The Voice makes the choice.
I feel my Mind was primarily attracted to Digby, and because of the way it went down and ultimately ended, I find that I hate her while remaining strongly attracted to her. This poisons my Heart's remaining desire for her leaving me in strong depressive states when exposed to her.
I'm so tired now. I'll post and (possibly) elaborate later...
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