I've been calling various numbers seeking a new apartment to live in. I am simply floored at these complexes lack of enthusiasm for renting out one of their vacant units. I'm still waiting on four places to call me back to set up an appointment for viewings, credit checks, and whatnot. It's like they don't want to get a new tenant and that sucks for me because my time is running out.
I had a small plan today. It's still on hold as I wait for at least one freakin' callback. I'm hungry too but you know how Murphy's Law works, I'll reach a point of no return in the cooking and that's exactly when I'll have a callback telling me to come down immediately. I want to walk to some local businesses and get some window shopping and even some actual shopping done but no, I'm stuck here in my room waiting for calls to be returned. I only made four of them yesterday; all with the same basic message asking if they had any 1BR apartments available and at what cost per month. That latter part is critical. I'm sorry that it all comes down to one number but the loveliness of your location, the amenities you provide, the convenience of on site laundry facilities, etc. don't mean jack shit if I can't afford the place.
So far, I've gotten exactly one callback by a woman named Amy who merely acknowledged having received my call but instead of giving me the information I had asked for, she merely asked that I call her back. I did, and am still waiting for a callback now. The other place told me I had to set up an appointment. I called, giving them my availability, suggesting that we meet at noon asking for them to call me back to confirm this or for them to call me back offering a different time. Still waiting on them too. The other two places have not even called me back. Is this any way to run a business or is this some domination tactic designed to remind me who actually holds the power in this equation?
So I remain stuck in a holding pattern unable to commit to any activity fearing that I will simply be interrupted from it at a crucial point. Even my own complex won't get back to me. I even have a couple of entries I'd like to make in this blog that will now have to wait. The way things are going, I'm gonna end up with a string of "I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SHIT" song/video entries rather than some potentially more entertaining blather.
ADDENDUM: I'm still stuck waiting on these calls and now I'm tired. I guess I'll lie down for the day and wake up in the middle of the night (always disorienting...doesn't matter how long you've been working overnights). I can only hope I get a callback as I'm drifting off. And it amazes me too. I've actually turned my ringer on for all calls (not just those on My Contacts list) and I haven't received a call in five days (except that useless one this morning from Amy who also has not called me back - does no one check their phones?! I thought that was an obsession of the mobile generation?)...not even from the collections agencies that have been hounding me since I've gotten this phone for debts unpaid by four different people. Two years and they're still at it.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SHIT, part XXIII
"Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley
For honest and for true this is not a joke. I actually do like this song. It reminds me of a night back in college that only damage to my brain could cause me to forget. And yes, I was surprised to find out that this voice was produced by a skinny white boy.
Clicking on the title link will bring you to the literal version of the video.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Sunday, March 20, 2011
SOMETIMES I ACTUALLY LIKE MY CUSTOMERS...
On Friday, I was invited to attend a "gold party". For those of you who don't know, it's when you invite friends and their unwanted jewelry into your home with a buyer and sell what you've got for some quick cash. It's quick, simple, and a sure way to not get even close to what you deserve for your stuff (though if you're the host, you'll get a 10% cut of the sales at the end). I had two incentives to attend: One was that, over the years, I've found small bits of broken 14k jewelry cleaning up at work and have mindlessly collected them over the years. My simpleton brain won't allow me to throw them away because gold, even when it's relatively cheap, is still gram-for-gram pretty damn valuable. I didn't really care what I got for it as it was all effectively worthless to me since I could (nor would) not wear it. Hello opportunity. And two, because there was the possibility I was told that some people would bring in silver coins and my friend who invited me assured me that I would get first dibs on any of it so I collected some common date junk silver for barter to bring with me as well. Unfortunately, no one brought anything so that aspect was for naught. I could've sold them then and there but considering the poor value I got for the gold in relation to its spot price, there's no way I would part with them there.
I brought with me two Mexican gold dos pesos coins that I got free with the purchase of a bag of foreign coins years ago when I clearly had too much money to spend. I've held them all this time. I decided to use them as a sacrifice since they're a known quantity to me. I knew precisely their fineness (21.6k i.e. 90% pure) and weight so based on what I would get for them would determine how I would go about the rest of the evening. At the time, the spot value of gold put the full value of the two coins at about $136. I got $70 for the pair...slightly more than 50%. Basic research said I should've expected between 65-75% of the spot price. I accepted the price both because I still effectively profited on the pieces whose value was about $28 when I purchased them (yes gold has risen a bit since then!) and because the shitty gold jewelry I had also brought made up for the shortfall.
Overall, the clumsiness of my customers netted me $135. Not bad as far as I'm concerned, plus I'm rid of those awful things and got pretty close to my extremely conservative estimate of their value. I was a bit annoyed at the woman's ignorance of the coins I had brought. She even mentioned to me that she wasn't sure if her company allowed her to buy foreign currency never mind the fact the coin was a restrike dated 1945 and rendered worthless in terms of purchasing power by multiple revaluations since the early 20th century when these coins were actually made for circulation. But they were gold. She accepted a miniature gold Jesus medallion without question so why would this be a problem when they're just gonna be refined anyway? Gold is gold regardless of its form. It has the same weight and fineness as an American gold dollar (1849-1889). You'd think she'd have either recall knowledge of this stuff or at least a reference book to consult. She tested it with aqua regia but could only determine that it was better than 18k but less than 22k. Very good. 90% of 24k is 21.6. She was "kind" enough to round up the pennyweight of the two coins to make up the difference. For this alone, I could not recommend using this company - American Gold and Diamond Buyers - and instead go to an established coin dealer as you'll likely receive closer to its spot value. In fact basic research suggests you can expect up to 75% spot for jewelry and higher for coins which have known quantities of gold as well as numismatic value assisting in their resale. And if you're just looking to trade up, you may get an even better deal still.
I felt bad for my friend though who invited me. He had found two Canadian gold Maple Leafs (I'm not going into detail but it was a legitimate find, not a "find") and showed them to me. He wasn't sure if they were real or not. They seemed real until I weighed them. The two coins combined were just barely over an ounce when they should've weighed two ounces. A simple scratch test showed they were just electroplated pieces of junk. Sucks for him. He could've gotten close to $2500 for them. If they were real, I would not have let him sell them there and get only 60% for them.
Surprisingly I got a phone number from a woman at the party. I'll have to see where that goes, if anywhere...
ADDENDUM: As of now, I have called this woman twice and she has not called me back. If she actually does call me back, I will give her a chance but otherwise, lacking an emotional investment in her, I see no reason to keep trying.
I brought with me two Mexican gold dos pesos coins that I got free with the purchase of a bag of foreign coins years ago when I clearly had too much money to spend. I've held them all this time. I decided to use them as a sacrifice since they're a known quantity to me. I knew precisely their fineness (21.6k i.e. 90% pure) and weight so based on what I would get for them would determine how I would go about the rest of the evening. At the time, the spot value of gold put the full value of the two coins at about $136. I got $70 for the pair...slightly more than 50%. Basic research said I should've expected between 65-75% of the spot price. I accepted the price both because I still effectively profited on the pieces whose value was about $28 when I purchased them (yes gold has risen a bit since then!) and because the shitty gold jewelry I had also brought made up for the shortfall.
Overall, the clumsiness of my customers netted me $135. Not bad as far as I'm concerned, plus I'm rid of those awful things and got pretty close to my extremely conservative estimate of their value. I was a bit annoyed at the woman's ignorance of the coins I had brought. She even mentioned to me that she wasn't sure if her company allowed her to buy foreign currency never mind the fact the coin was a restrike dated 1945 and rendered worthless in terms of purchasing power by multiple revaluations since the early 20th century when these coins were actually made for circulation. But they were gold. She accepted a miniature gold Jesus medallion without question so why would this be a problem when they're just gonna be refined anyway? Gold is gold regardless of its form. It has the same weight and fineness as an American gold dollar (1849-1889). You'd think she'd have either recall knowledge of this stuff or at least a reference book to consult. She tested it with aqua regia but could only determine that it was better than 18k but less than 22k. Very good. 90% of 24k is 21.6. She was "kind" enough to round up the pennyweight of the two coins to make up the difference. For this alone, I could not recommend using this company - American Gold and Diamond Buyers - and instead go to an established coin dealer as you'll likely receive closer to its spot value. In fact basic research suggests you can expect up to 75% spot for jewelry and higher for coins which have known quantities of gold as well as numismatic value assisting in their resale. And if you're just looking to trade up, you may get an even better deal still.
I felt bad for my friend though who invited me. He had found two Canadian gold Maple Leafs (I'm not going into detail but it was a legitimate find, not a "find") and showed them to me. He wasn't sure if they were real or not. They seemed real until I weighed them. The two coins combined were just barely over an ounce when they should've weighed two ounces. A simple scratch test showed they were just electroplated pieces of junk. Sucks for him. He could've gotten close to $2500 for them. If they were real, I would not have let him sell them there and get only 60% for them.
Surprisingly I got a phone number from a woman at the party. I'll have to see where that goes, if anywhere...
ADDENDUM: As of now, I have called this woman twice and she has not called me back. If she actually does call me back, I will give her a chance but otherwise, lacking an emotional investment in her, I see no reason to keep trying.
Saturday, March 19, 2011
I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SHIT, part XXII
"Momma's Boy" by Elizabeth and the Catapult
Another fun song brought to me courtesy of Muzak's FM1 station at work which never gets played anymore since we figured out how to change the station. I guess three straight years of Lite-FM/crossover country will do that to the captive audience we are...though I personally wouldn't mind a night now and then. I really no hard loyalty to any particular genre of music now do I? That probably indicates something about my personality :-)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
MORE LIKE IDIOTPATHIC RHINITIS IF YOU ASK ME...
I'm still coming out of it: some lingering itchiness and occasional sneezes still but I'm coming out of it. I've had what may or may not be a severe allergic response since last Friday night. Again with the same symptoms of an itchy left nostril, copious amounts of may-as-well-be-tears mucous, and violent sneezing fits. The new magic number seems to be six...six sneezes in a row before it finally gives up...each sneeze more violent than the last. I actually pulled a muscle just above my pelvis on my right side sneezing so hard and on Sunday I was holding on to a railing while sneezing and pulled a muscle in my left arm as well. Both are feeling fine now, but it's (sarcastically) good to know I'm capable of that. I wonder how long it'll be before I crack a rib or two doing that? The one (sarcastically again) fun new one was this sensation of electricity crackling all over my face, nostrils, and hair as though I were building up a static charge that would release itself in a cascade of exhausting sneezes which make my fingertips go momentarily numb and disorient me. I love my life! (yes, that was also sarcastic)
Still, I go through the same shit when people see me like that. I've had these sneezing fits and runny discharge since I was eighteen. Yay! Fourteen years of this shit. We all just assumed they were allergies...a present from my body now that I had reached adulthood. It was usually treated with the go-sleepy-now medication diphenhydramine hydrochloride better known as Benadryl. I don't think it ever actually worked, I think just going to sleep for a while allowing my body to calm the fuck down is what was doing it. Yet, people still suggest I take this allergy medication or that one or this home remedy with no science to back it up or some other miscellaneous proposal. I can't explain it to people and I'm sorry to all those whom I have snapped at over the years in frustration. I'm not actually mad at you, I swear. It's just maddening, is all.
I get all sorts of suggestions to stop my sneezing and I have to tell people that there is in fact no such medication. There is no pill or elixir (short of a bullet or cyanide) that stops sneezing and I'll go on the record saying this is probably a good thing despite how frustrating sneezures can be. I'm sure ONCE in a while, sneezes do serve a valuable, potentially lifesaving purpose. Figuring I should probably have science backing up my angry rants, I went online to search for proof of this assertion that my former allergist had already told me. I learned fun new words like rhinorrhea (snot folks!) and pruritus (intense itching laymen!) in addition to stumbling upon a diagnosis that immediately distracted me from my goal called "Nonallergic Rhinitis" aka "Vasomotor Rhinitis" aka "Idiopathic Rhinitis". Hmmm...what could that possibly be?
Read for yourself why don't you? Go ahead. I'll wait...
You see, I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to people and things which annoy me and going into annoying sneezing fits seemingly at random is something that I would pay attention to in detail in an effort to isolate a cause. I understand the pathology of it well from start to finish. While I'm tempted to conclude that it is ultimately a sickness since the day after I last showed symptoms my...uh, rhinorrhea is discolored like it is when I'm sick, I find it odd that the progression of the symptoms is identical each time which points me back to an allergic reaction. After all, have you ever had an identical illness? No, probably not. I doubt you've paid attention to them, but you'd've noticed that each cold has its own fingerprint of misery which it inflicts on you. You'd've also noticed that your whole body gets in on the act be it aches and pains or a fever or chills or stuffy nose or runny nose or thick mucous discharge or general weakness or any one (or even all!) those symptoms with varying degrees of strength associated with them. Not this reaction...it's just in the nose. My body only gets weak from the amount of energy it puts into sneezing and producing the runny snot and I do get hungry when I get that way.
The thing is, while I know from scratch tests that I'm allergic to cat dander, cat dander does not make me sneeze. If I pet a cat and then scratch my arm, the arm will well up where I scratched or if I rub my eye, my eye will itch a bit (but not intensely), but that's it. I don't get a runny nose and I certainly don't sneeze and believe me, I'm weird. I've held my cats to me and inhaled. Cats smell weird, but they don't make me sneeze. I'm pretty much not allergic to anything else. The only thing else I've gotten reactions to is the crud that accumulates under the registers at work. If I accidentally scratch myself on anything under there, I get an itchy welt that persists for up to a week, but that might be an actual infection and not an allergic reaction as my cat dander hives don't turn red.
No, the only trigger I can pinpoint with some sense of confidence is a lack of adequate rest over a period of (usually three) days. I'm guessing that produces the yawning which produces the tears which drain into my nose which cause me to sniffle until "something" goes wrong and I start getting this feeling like a bump in my left nostril rubbing against something the wrong way (almost like an ingrown hair) that causes more sniffles and mucous production which ultimately manifests as sneezing fits (sneezures) which last anywhere from one to three days (may have to up that to four, possibly five depending on how I feel when I wake up later today). Now perhaps that "feeling" in my left nostril is a polyp: I don't know because I don't know what a polyp looks/feels like but it's the only alternative I can't definitively rule out by myself.
The only other possible trigger is significant rainfall in the preceding day. This current one, we had like three inches of rain. However, the preceding one, rainfall did not happen although there was a significant temperature drop which was listed under that possible causes. But I'm not confident of either of these possibilities: they seem more like red herrings to me. Of the other possible symptoms I can rule out alcohol and spicy foods straight away. I did scratch my arm after handling newspapers with no effect. Strong emotions are probable but given that I've gone through numerous downs (and occasional ups!) without any "allergic response" to it, I'd have to say they're a non-factor as well. Barometric changes is interesting. I'd need a weather history for my area with that level of detail to rule that out. (I just did. Inconclusive. Seven months ago, the pressure was relatively constant while there was a stunning change just last Thursday preceding the storm). Bright lights I'd have to rule out since I'm under them constantly after coming in from walking in darkness for forty minutes. And while perfumes and cigarette smoke annoy me, they don't affect me like that either and I can vouch for that having been around cigarette smoke for years and having had numerous women (including one who was probably hitting on me...crap! another name for the list! I forgot about her till just now! Hey, she used to know one of my cousins...Facebook, you're so awesome...now find me my high school crush goddamnit!!!) who were heavily perfumed.
Anyhow, while nonallergic rhinitis is a diagnosis of exclusion, I feel compelled to accept it. How frustrating is that? What is sounds like is basically, my body's just going into sneezing fits for the hell of it. My immune system just wants attention because it has so little to do. It's throwing a tantrum and believe me, I wish I could give in to it (where's an aerosolizer with rhinoviruses in the solution when you need one?). Nonallergic rhinitis sounds autoimmune to me. Great, even my own body rejects me... It's great to know what it possibly is but it sucks even more to know that nothing can be done about it except for extreme solutions that I must (unfortunately) always reject like cutting off my nose and going for the Lord Voldemort look or moistening a Q-tip in nitric acid and burning the accursed itchy area away (I could still smell with my right nostril so it's not like it'd be a total loss, right?).
You really do get some medieval thoughts going through your head when you get this way. :-)
Still, I go through the same shit when people see me like that. I've had these sneezing fits and runny discharge since I was eighteen. Yay! Fourteen years of this shit. We all just assumed they were allergies...a present from my body now that I had reached adulthood. It was usually treated with the go-sleepy-now medication diphenhydramine hydrochloride better known as Benadryl. I don't think it ever actually worked, I think just going to sleep for a while allowing my body to calm the fuck down is what was doing it. Yet, people still suggest I take this allergy medication or that one or this home remedy with no science to back it up or some other miscellaneous proposal. I can't explain it to people and I'm sorry to all those whom I have snapped at over the years in frustration. I'm not actually mad at you, I swear. It's just maddening, is all.
I get all sorts of suggestions to stop my sneezing and I have to tell people that there is in fact no such medication. There is no pill or elixir (short of a bullet or cyanide) that stops sneezing and I'll go on the record saying this is probably a good thing despite how frustrating sneezures can be. I'm sure ONCE in a while, sneezes do serve a valuable, potentially lifesaving purpose. Figuring I should probably have science backing up my angry rants, I went online to search for proof of this assertion that my former allergist had already told me. I learned fun new words like rhinorrhea (snot folks!) and pruritus (intense itching laymen!) in addition to stumbling upon a diagnosis that immediately distracted me from my goal called "Nonallergic Rhinitis" aka "Vasomotor Rhinitis" aka "Idiopathic Rhinitis". Hmmm...what could that possibly be?
Read for yourself why don't you? Go ahead. I'll wait...
You see, I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to people and things which annoy me and going into annoying sneezing fits seemingly at random is something that I would pay attention to in detail in an effort to isolate a cause. I understand the pathology of it well from start to finish. While I'm tempted to conclude that it is ultimately a sickness since the day after I last showed symptoms my...uh, rhinorrhea is discolored like it is when I'm sick, I find it odd that the progression of the symptoms is identical each time which points me back to an allergic reaction. After all, have you ever had an identical illness? No, probably not. I doubt you've paid attention to them, but you'd've noticed that each cold has its own fingerprint of misery which it inflicts on you. You'd've also noticed that your whole body gets in on the act be it aches and pains or a fever or chills or stuffy nose or runny nose or thick mucous discharge or general weakness or any one (or even all!) those symptoms with varying degrees of strength associated with them. Not this reaction...it's just in the nose. My body only gets weak from the amount of energy it puts into sneezing and producing the runny snot and I do get hungry when I get that way.
The thing is, while I know from scratch tests that I'm allergic to cat dander, cat dander does not make me sneeze. If I pet a cat and then scratch my arm, the arm will well up where I scratched or if I rub my eye, my eye will itch a bit (but not intensely), but that's it. I don't get a runny nose and I certainly don't sneeze and believe me, I'm weird. I've held my cats to me and inhaled. Cats smell weird, but they don't make me sneeze. I'm pretty much not allergic to anything else. The only thing else I've gotten reactions to is the crud that accumulates under the registers at work. If I accidentally scratch myself on anything under there, I get an itchy welt that persists for up to a week, but that might be an actual infection and not an allergic reaction as my cat dander hives don't turn red.
No, the only trigger I can pinpoint with some sense of confidence is a lack of adequate rest over a period of (usually three) days. I'm guessing that produces the yawning which produces the tears which drain into my nose which cause me to sniffle until "something" goes wrong and I start getting this feeling like a bump in my left nostril rubbing against something the wrong way (almost like an ingrown hair) that causes more sniffles and mucous production which ultimately manifests as sneezing fits (sneezures) which last anywhere from one to three days (may have to up that to four, possibly five depending on how I feel when I wake up later today). Now perhaps that "feeling" in my left nostril is a polyp: I don't know because I don't know what a polyp looks/feels like but it's the only alternative I can't definitively rule out by myself.
The only other possible trigger is significant rainfall in the preceding day. This current one, we had like three inches of rain. However, the preceding one, rainfall did not happen although there was a significant temperature drop which was listed under that possible causes. But I'm not confident of either of these possibilities: they seem more like red herrings to me. Of the other possible symptoms I can rule out alcohol and spicy foods straight away. I did scratch my arm after handling newspapers with no effect. Strong emotions are probable but given that I've gone through numerous downs (and occasional ups!) without any "allergic response" to it, I'd have to say they're a non-factor as well. Barometric changes is interesting. I'd need a weather history for my area with that level of detail to rule that out. (I just did. Inconclusive. Seven months ago, the pressure was relatively constant while there was a stunning change just last Thursday preceding the storm). Bright lights I'd have to rule out since I'm under them constantly after coming in from walking in darkness for forty minutes. And while perfumes and cigarette smoke annoy me, they don't affect me like that either and I can vouch for that having been around cigarette smoke for years and having had numerous women (including one who was probably hitting on me...crap! another name for the list! I forgot about her till just now! Hey, she used to know one of my cousins...Facebook, you're so awesome...now find me my high school crush goddamnit!!!) who were heavily perfumed.
Anyhow, while nonallergic rhinitis is a diagnosis of exclusion, I feel compelled to accept it. How frustrating is that? What is sounds like is basically, my body's just going into sneezing fits for the hell of it. My immune system just wants attention because it has so little to do. It's throwing a tantrum and believe me, I wish I could give in to it (where's an aerosolizer with rhinoviruses in the solution when you need one?). Nonallergic rhinitis sounds autoimmune to me. Great, even my own body rejects me... It's great to know what it possibly is but it sucks even more to know that nothing can be done about it except for extreme solutions that I must (unfortunately) always reject like cutting off my nose and going for the Lord Voldemort look or moistening a Q-tip in nitric acid and burning the accursed itchy area away (I could still smell with my right nostril so it's not like it'd be a total loss, right?).
You really do get some medieval thoughts going through your head when you get this way. :-)
Friday, March 11, 2011
TOUCHING UPON AN OLD THREAD...
I probably should have mentioned by now, especially given my numerous rants on this subject, that my roommate has finally gotten a job. From what I understand, this is a commission-only job, so whether this will be a paying gig remains to be seen. I have wasted no time enjoying my roommate-free mornings in this apartment. If only this could have been the case during that hot-as-fuck Summer we had last year.
It's time now for me to seek a new, hopefully affordable apartment, in this area. I can't let this lack of domestic contribution on his part go unanswered nor can I afford to overlook his eleven months of far-more-than-less deliberate unemployment. It sucks, especially since I have actually been able to save money living here with him. Who knows if that'll ever happen again. And to think, when we re-upped the lease last year, I was delighted to know I would have twelve months of stability and that I would finally be able to spend some money on myself after watching my every dollar for the past two years but that would get cut off rather quickly. At the time, he was only unemployed for two months. Surely a job was soon to be had... Oh hindsight!
I've got some numbers to start calling when I'm off next...AFTER I clean the bathroom because (and I don't know why I persist in this optimistic fantasy of mine) I know there is no chance in hell that he will clean the bathroom this week and AFTER I clean the kitchen, living room, and dining room because why the fuck would he do any of those rooms either? Alias TBD is right, since I am his de facto maid, I should at least be getting paid for it. I don't want to live alone, but what choice do I have? And I don't say that because I don't like being alone: I'm alone most of the time. I think comedian Bill Burr said it best:
ADDENDUM: Well, turned out that job was a bust. He had it for all of two days before realizing that it was a "scam" and quit and not only quit, but did so without even telling me choosing instead to simply not be in the apartment when he "wasn't supposed to be". However either through a combination of luck or simply because he shortsightedly dropped his unemployment compensation, he managed to find a new job within a week that pays him a wage. The job is overnight meaning that I have the apartment to myself on my nights off but otherwise he's here like always. Now I'm just riding out the lease and trying to find a new apartment I can afford without cutting my budget to the bone. No matter what it seems I am a mere few months going from decidedly Working Class to Working Poor. Yay...
It's time now for me to seek a new, hopefully affordable apartment, in this area. I can't let this lack of domestic contribution on his part go unanswered nor can I afford to overlook his eleven months of far-more-than-less deliberate unemployment. It sucks, especially since I have actually been able to save money living here with him. Who knows if that'll ever happen again. And to think, when we re-upped the lease last year, I was delighted to know I would have twelve months of stability and that I would finally be able to spend some money on myself after watching my every dollar for the past two years but that would get cut off rather quickly. At the time, he was only unemployed for two months. Surely a job was soon to be had... Oh hindsight!
I've got some numbers to start calling when I'm off next...AFTER I clean the bathroom because (and I don't know why I persist in this optimistic fantasy of mine) I know there is no chance in hell that he will clean the bathroom this week and AFTER I clean the kitchen, living room, and dining room because why the fuck would he do any of those rooms either? Alias TBD is right, since I am his de facto maid, I should at least be getting paid for it. I don't want to live alone, but what choice do I have? And I don't say that because I don't like being alone: I'm alone most of the time. I think comedian Bill Burr said it best:
ADDENDUM: Well, turned out that job was a bust. He had it for all of two days before realizing that it was a "scam" and quit and not only quit, but did so without even telling me choosing instead to simply not be in the apartment when he "wasn't supposed to be". However either through a combination of luck or simply because he shortsightedly dropped his unemployment compensation, he managed to find a new job within a week that pays him a wage. The job is overnight meaning that I have the apartment to myself on my nights off but otherwise he's here like always. Now I'm just riding out the lease and trying to find a new apartment I can afford without cutting my budget to the bone. No matter what it seems I am a mere few months going from decidedly Working Class to Working Poor. Yay...
Saturday, March 5, 2011
I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SHIT, part XXI
"Wrong Side of the Moon" by Squeeze
One of the oddball tracks off Argybargy sung by Jools Holland. I would really have preferred to post "Dr. Jazz" by the same group (and singer) but I can't find the recorded version. I just may have to risk my popular YouTube channel's deletion and upload the song (as well as others for this series that I can't find) myself. Perhaps a PART XXI redux will have to be in order.
Friday, March 4, 2011
VITUPERATIVE RAILING
Some e-cards is a fun site posting links that make me giggle daily be it their inane cards or just some random article. Today, the site posted this link regarding an allegedly cheated-on girl selling her now ex-boyfriend's stuff that he left behind on E-bay posing provocatively and semiclad in many of the pictures featuring his items because her boyfriend of FIVE (emphasis mine) years didn't like her dressing sexy or revealing when they were out on dates.
Are girls really this fucking stupid or have I merely had the "misfortune" of meeting only strong-willed women all my life? I mean, what the hell?!! I understand context so if the boyfriend had a problem with her dressing sexy and/or revealing at a funeral (or any place with a dress code), I would totally get it. However, anything else where how you dress really doesn't matter, shut the fuck up you controlling prick. Who the fuck are you to tell your girlfriend how to dress especially when I would put good money down on the idea that that's what made you notice her in the first place. Sorry, but your girlfriend was never only hot to you. If you're dating a hot girl, expect her to be constantly checked out by other men (and some women) because like you, other guys aren't fucking blind. In fact, revel in it...take pride in the fact that yes, now you're the ugly guy with the hot girlfriend after all these years of wondering what some other girl saw in "him"...but don't try to fucking control her in an effort to keep that hotness all to yourself or simply just to be an oppressive asshole.
But as for the girl, who the fuck are you?! If you have a problem with how your guy thinks, find someone else who appreciates you (and how you [presumably] like to dress) for you. Something tells me you won't have a hard time doing so. Yes, it looks like a seemingly trivial detail, but all big things start small. Good general advice (some exceptions apply): If someone is telling you can't do what you like to do anymore; spend time with the people you like spending time with, that's your first clue to get the fuck as far away from these people as you possibly can. "Oh but he LOVES me!" Really? You're not a fucking dog who needs to be trained. You're a grown woman. Stand up for yourself! Being a control-freak is not a sexy masculine trait! Ugh...
Is this why all the assholes have no trouble getting laid? Cuz women are fucking stupid? I really want to respect women, I really do. I see no reason not to treat them as equals. But stuff like this makes me wonder why I bother feeling that way at all; why I bothered to pay attention to those films I had to watch in school as it clearly has gotten me virtually nothing except "You're such a good friend"... Blech...
ADDENDUM: I enjoy how in the article this woman claims to not be "a vindictive person by any means, but when you spend five years of your life [with someone and they] do that to you, it started out as a way to get back at him". Uh...you can't claim to not be a vindictive person and then do something that is PRECISELY vindictive you nimrod! Ugh...
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| a portion of the relevant listing on ebay |
Are girls really this fucking stupid or have I merely had the "misfortune" of meeting only strong-willed women all my life? I mean, what the hell?!! I understand context so if the boyfriend had a problem with her dressing sexy and/or revealing at a funeral (or any place with a dress code), I would totally get it. However, anything else where how you dress really doesn't matter, shut the fuck up you controlling prick. Who the fuck are you to tell your girlfriend how to dress especially when I would put good money down on the idea that that's what made you notice her in the first place. Sorry, but your girlfriend was never only hot to you. If you're dating a hot girl, expect her to be constantly checked out by other men (and some women) because like you, other guys aren't fucking blind. In fact, revel in it...take pride in the fact that yes, now you're the ugly guy with the hot girlfriend after all these years of wondering what some other girl saw in "him"...but don't try to fucking control her in an effort to keep that hotness all to yourself or simply just to be an oppressive asshole.
But as for the girl, who the fuck are you?! If you have a problem with how your guy thinks, find someone else who appreciates you (and how you [presumably] like to dress) for you. Something tells me you won't have a hard time doing so. Yes, it looks like a seemingly trivial detail, but all big things start small. Good general advice (some exceptions apply): If someone is telling you can't do what you like to do anymore; spend time with the people you like spending time with, that's your first clue to get the fuck as far away from these people as you possibly can. "Oh but he LOVES me!" Really? You're not a fucking dog who needs to be trained. You're a grown woman. Stand up for yourself! Being a control-freak is not a sexy masculine trait! Ugh...
Is this why all the assholes have no trouble getting laid? Cuz women are fucking stupid? I really want to respect women, I really do. I see no reason not to treat them as equals. But stuff like this makes me wonder why I bother feeling that way at all; why I bothered to pay attention to those films I had to watch in school as it clearly has gotten me virtually nothing except "You're such a good friend"... Blech...
ADDENDUM: I enjoy how in the article this woman claims to not be "a vindictive person by any means, but when you spend five years of your life [with someone and they] do that to you, it started out as a way to get back at him". Uh...you can't claim to not be a vindictive person and then do something that is PRECISELY vindictive you nimrod! Ugh...
Thursday, March 3, 2011
INIMANDVS VII
So the Digby saga ends not with a bang, but with a whimper. She finally put an end to it this past Tuesday, to which I responded by shutting off my phone and going to sleep for twenty hours. I can't even call it a mercy killing because I still find it so infuriating the way she's handled me over the years.
My confidence already shot, I feebly asked her out again, scaling down the nature of my date request by just asking to meet up at a diner. I did so in person rather than by text both because I refuse to yield to my cowardice on certain issues and because she can't ignore me face-to-face. She refused to give a straight answer telling me to ask again tomorrow because she didn't know if she were going to be up for it since she was going out with friends the night I asked her at work. I already knew this meant "no" but what I find so irascible about it is that she simply wouldn't tell me "no". Every time I've asked her out (and believe me, it was several times over the past 3½ years), she would never say she wasn't interested or give a simple no. The first time I got a fairly positive "Sure!" and she cancelled last minute claiming tiredness (she wasn't lying, I could hear it in her voice). Each additional time the response was less enthusiastic but never outright negative.
Yes, I deliberately went on the path of favorable interpretation instead of trusting my instincts. The trouble is, my instincts are so obviously aligned with my cowardice that it's hard to tell them apart most times. Yes, the moment this started getting painful for me I should've quit her, but I stubbornly and faithfully persisted. I believed, and I still believe in our compatibility. A belief which is now totally irrelevant. A belief which has left me holding onto a now worthless trove of data and intuitions about her.
But the part that kills me inside is not that she doesn't want me. Yes, that hurts. It never doesn't hurt. I would love to demand an explanation (and believe me I wanted to) but I know I'm not entitled to one. She does not have to explain herself to me in that regard. Yes, it hurts that I was not even worth her taking a chance on me. No, the part that kills me is that I'm not even worth a "no".
At some base level, I don't care if Digby's interested in me or not. She either is or she isn't. It's a rare black&white scenario that life offers. But the fact that I was never worth a definitive answer is what wrecks me and what will likely fuel the next several depressions I'm sure to experience over the next few months once my thoughts drift away from my long list of failures. Besides the Eleven, I've come up with an additional thirty-five names over the past twenty years that never panned out for various reasons ranging from outright rejection to circumstance (already in a relationship/married) to would've taken an interest if they had given me even a modicum of return. Forty-six girls/women, none of which have panned out...ever. And people wonder why I have zero confidence; why I scoff at being complimented - it's all so unbelievable... And I still feel my mind digging.
Anyhow, Digby was online on Tuesday morning and messaged me quickly that she would be unable to attend. Now, normally I take that three ways: Realistically; that she's telling me "no" without using the word in a stupid effort to spare my feelings - Hopefully; that I shouldn't take this as rejection but as a chance to try again later and perhaps do a better job and with more confidence - and Self-Destructively in that I know what she's doing, but I want to make her tell me "no" or to at least tell me to stop trying. I am coward and I recognize it in others scornfully and her wishy-washy desire not to come across as the bad guy while still trying to reap the bad guy rewards infuriates me. However, online is a stupid place for confrontation since clicking on the X box is a relatively simple task (as is ignoring) so I opted instead to give her an out. I already knew this had to be my last chance taken on her: I'm exhausted emotionally from this and know that if I didn't do something, that I would again deliberately interpret her response positively and rise to the challenge again. So I asked her if she would like me to stop reminding her that I would have all along had she told me to (which was a dig that I'm sure went over her head).
She told me that she doesn't share my feelings and that it would be best if I just moved on. Despite being emotionally braced for that, it still cut through and I chose to sleep on it. My heart wasn't exposed like it was back in 2009 during my last real attempt (something she failed to take advantage of - she could've ended it once-and-for-all right there but again opted for wishy-washiness allowing me to immediately regain my composure) She was at work last night but not for long. I didn't slip into a depression there either because of a lack of exposure or because the exposure is cumulative and that accumulation has yet to reach toxic levels. I already don't want to look at her and her laugh stings. I think I'm safe for the rest of the week.
I took the proactive approach and deleted her (and several of her friends) from my friends list. However, I still can see her entire profile because I'm still friend of a friend with certain people whom I actually talk to and like preventing me from doing a slash-and-burn (though I did make the list). I guess Digby has not updated her privacy settings since Facebook rolled out the new profile. I don't know if this is good or not though I suppose if I have a moment of weakness, I'll be able to indulge it. I'd ask her to block me, but then I also told her that I would not bother her anymore. Oh well, rationalizations.
I'm back in a place I haven't been in since late 2003. I officially like no one and I'm not in the mood to start. I've been told to try online dating. It's certainly a reasonable thing to try though I think I understand why I hold out still: I want to be able to get who I want just once in my life. Dangling myself on a hook in the waters of a dating site will surely bring at least one serious response, but it's not the same. Can a girl I like accept me just once? Am I really asking for too much? I started liking girls my age in 1991. Nothing...not once. A few blips of interest from the outside which was wonderful, but I've never been able to get one of my own choices...ever. Can I have one before I dive into online? Can I have one so I'm not carrying a small amount of bitterness and unworthiness with anyone I would meet through online dating? Can I?...
My confidence already shot, I feebly asked her out again, scaling down the nature of my date request by just asking to meet up at a diner. I did so in person rather than by text both because I refuse to yield to my cowardice on certain issues and because she can't ignore me face-to-face. She refused to give a straight answer telling me to ask again tomorrow because she didn't know if she were going to be up for it since she was going out with friends the night I asked her at work. I already knew this meant "no" but what I find so irascible about it is that she simply wouldn't tell me "no". Every time I've asked her out (and believe me, it was several times over the past 3½ years), she would never say she wasn't interested or give a simple no. The first time I got a fairly positive "Sure!" and she cancelled last minute claiming tiredness (she wasn't lying, I could hear it in her voice). Each additional time the response was less enthusiastic but never outright negative.
Yes, I deliberately went on the path of favorable interpretation instead of trusting my instincts. The trouble is, my instincts are so obviously aligned with my cowardice that it's hard to tell them apart most times. Yes, the moment this started getting painful for me I should've quit her, but I stubbornly and faithfully persisted. I believed, and I still believe in our compatibility. A belief which is now totally irrelevant. A belief which has left me holding onto a now worthless trove of data and intuitions about her.
But the part that kills me inside is not that she doesn't want me. Yes, that hurts. It never doesn't hurt. I would love to demand an explanation (and believe me I wanted to) but I know I'm not entitled to one. She does not have to explain herself to me in that regard. Yes, it hurts that I was not even worth her taking a chance on me. No, the part that kills me is that I'm not even worth a "no".
At some base level, I don't care if Digby's interested in me or not. She either is or she isn't. It's a rare black&white scenario that life offers. But the fact that I was never worth a definitive answer is what wrecks me and what will likely fuel the next several depressions I'm sure to experience over the next few months once my thoughts drift away from my long list of failures. Besides the Eleven, I've come up with an additional thirty-five names over the past twenty years that never panned out for various reasons ranging from outright rejection to circumstance (already in a relationship/married) to would've taken an interest if they had given me even a modicum of return. Forty-six girls/women, none of which have panned out...ever. And people wonder why I have zero confidence; why I scoff at being complimented - it's all so unbelievable... And I still feel my mind digging.
Anyhow, Digby was online on Tuesday morning and messaged me quickly that she would be unable to attend. Now, normally I take that three ways: Realistically; that she's telling me "no" without using the word in a stupid effort to spare my feelings - Hopefully; that I shouldn't take this as rejection but as a chance to try again later and perhaps do a better job and with more confidence - and Self-Destructively in that I know what she's doing, but I want to make her tell me "no" or to at least tell me to stop trying. I am coward and I recognize it in others scornfully and her wishy-washy desire not to come across as the bad guy while still trying to reap the bad guy rewards infuriates me. However, online is a stupid place for confrontation since clicking on the X box is a relatively simple task (as is ignoring) so I opted instead to give her an out. I already knew this had to be my last chance taken on her: I'm exhausted emotionally from this and know that if I didn't do something, that I would again deliberately interpret her response positively and rise to the challenge again. So I asked her if she would like me to stop reminding her that I would have all along had she told me to (which was a dig that I'm sure went over her head).
She told me that she doesn't share my feelings and that it would be best if I just moved on. Despite being emotionally braced for that, it still cut through and I chose to sleep on it. My heart wasn't exposed like it was back in 2009 during my last real attempt (something she failed to take advantage of - she could've ended it once-and-for-all right there but again opted for wishy-washiness allowing me to immediately regain my composure) She was at work last night but not for long. I didn't slip into a depression there either because of a lack of exposure or because the exposure is cumulative and that accumulation has yet to reach toxic levels. I already don't want to look at her and her laugh stings. I think I'm safe for the rest of the week.
I took the proactive approach and deleted her (and several of her friends) from my friends list. However, I still can see her entire profile because I'm still friend of a friend with certain people whom I actually talk to and like preventing me from doing a slash-and-burn (though I did make the list). I guess Digby has not updated her privacy settings since Facebook rolled out the new profile. I don't know if this is good or not though I suppose if I have a moment of weakness, I'll be able to indulge it. I'd ask her to block me, but then I also told her that I would not bother her anymore. Oh well, rationalizations.
I'm back in a place I haven't been in since late 2003. I officially like no one and I'm not in the mood to start. I've been told to try online dating. It's certainly a reasonable thing to try though I think I understand why I hold out still: I want to be able to get who I want just once in my life. Dangling myself on a hook in the waters of a dating site will surely bring at least one serious response, but it's not the same. Can a girl I like accept me just once? Am I really asking for too much? I started liking girls my age in 1991. Nothing...not once. A few blips of interest from the outside which was wonderful, but I've never been able to get one of my own choices...ever. Can I have one before I dive into online? Can I have one so I'm not carrying a small amount of bitterness and unworthiness with anyone I would meet through online dating? Can I?...
LINE OF THE DAY, part X
Today's Line of the Day is brought to by james_from_cambridge on this article from Gawker. His comment is as follows:
Seriously, everybody needs to stop panicking over this ridiculous Republican bullshit about the deficit. They create this panic to fool y'all into cutting the New Deal programs we all know and love and that they've had a grudge against for the past 80 years (assholes never forgive, nor forget and Republicans are the biggest assholes that ever were.) Republicans themselves created these huge deficits, which started after their huge tax cuts for gazillionaires in the 80's, and they never went away. They figured the tax cuts would force government to cut spending. Never happened, never will happen because the only way to make a dent in the deficit without raising taxes to the level they were at pre-Reagan, is to cut Social Security, Medicare and Medicaid, brutally. Again, NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN, because the Middle Classes love their Social Security and Medicare. But these deficits, and the massive debt, don't matter anyway.
We will never go under as a country for two reasons. 1) We can print money. 2) We're vampires. That's right, we're the Edward Cullen of planet Earth. When Reagan the infirm created those huge deficits and the dollar plunged, the Japanese started investing heavily in the U.S., buying property and our debt. We sucked them dry and when they collapsed, we then moved on to European and Asian investors in the 90's. Now we have the Chinese, who think they're being smart by not going on a buying spree of American infrastructure like the Japanese but instead buying up our good old Government bonds. They're bigger idiots than the Japanese because we're gonna inflate our way out of this particular debt, and they'll get back half of what they invested. When we're done with them and they collapse, which I promise you they will, we'll move on to the next group of suckers. Probably the Indians (and after that, we're coming for you South America [I'm looking at you Brazil!], probably around 2025, so get ready!)
We're too big to fail folks, way too big to fail, 'cause if we do, we'll take the entire world economy down with us and all other countries know it and will therefore prop us up indefinitely. So stop panicking like little schoolboys in a rectory. Pick up a friggin' Economics book and stop swallowing Republican lies about what caused the deficit and how important it is anyway (Republican tax cuts that drove down the top marginal rate from 70% in the 1970's to 35% now is the only cause. How the hell can the Federal govt. function when they've completely deprived it of oxygen?)
**Thank God I finally got to use my Economics degree!!**
Makidian replied to this comment with:
Reading that made me feel super Patriotic for some reason and I don't know how I feel about that, but I do know that I kind of want to fight someone which is strange. Your words, they did something to me....
And for some reason, I have to agree with Makidian. :-)
ADDENDUM: I include as a bonus, a reply to a comment I made on an article about male depression which ended on a silly note suggesting that if we are unable to adapt to the new ways of the modern world that we could always just join a cult. My comment:
But cults are so much work... How come Glorious Leader gets to live in a villa?
To which GregorMendel hilariously replied: "You! To the purifying shed with you!"