I guess I ought to be making specific tags for these entries to make it easier for me and my imagined1 readers to read my various serial entries?
The other day I noticed by accident that my eyes see differently or more accurately, I finally comprehended something that I had been suspicious about for some time now. I was bored and sitting in such a way that one of my hands was covering my right eye. Both eyes were still open, but I could now only see from my left eye. And it was strange, but I swear that I was perceiving the world more possessively...more...selfishly. I felt more negatively emotional, more self-aware, more focused, more arrogant, more spiteful, more intuitive, more...certain of things. And when I removed my hand, things felt normal again. It was weird, so naturally I got curious and did it again producing the same results.
I switched eyes and then noticed I saw the world more calmly. I felt a greater sense of compassion and desire to understand. I also notice that looking at the world through only my right eye leaves me feeling weary (whereas the left eye view leaves me feeling spirited) and with a sense of sadness. I feel more responsible (in the sense of knowing what needs to be done) but it doesn't come with a sense of urgency; but rather, being burdensome.
I've also noticed that I've been seeing the world lately more through my right eye and that it seems to be coincidentally linked to my recent rise in my overall mental state (now about two months old). Usually I feel myself left-eye dominant. I'm not using dominant correctly I don't think because every test I take suggests I am right-eye dominant. What I am referring to here is the sense of which eye I'm actually seeing from. Yes, we see through both eyes, but I've noticed that I feel as though I'm seeing more, or rather, that one eye is taking on a greater sense of the seeing leaving the other eye simply to fill out the view. When I would feel my left eye as dominant, covering it up as described in previous paragraphs gave me the sensation of straining to see whereas leaving only the dominant eye uncovered, aside from removing depth-perception, produced no such feeling of strain (this strain/unstrained feeling is in addition to the senses described previously). Nowadays, my right eye feels as though it is doing the work of seeing and the left eye is in support. In the past week, I've had two minor depressions (both lasting less than a day - one, in fact, lasted only six hours), and in each of those two instances, I've noticed my vision "shifting" to the left eye. I'm also "left-eyed" when angry.
It's bizarre and I don't understand it considering that my brain's two hemispheres are connected so while each eye is connected to either side of the brain, the halves share information so it's not like one side can keep information from the other. There seems to be research that has been done which corroborates (albeit less insanely) what I'm feeling although I am cautious to apply it too liberally to what I have been writing about this entry.
The left eye wishes to bring about suffering. The right eye, understanding. The left eye (right brain) "feels" like it is being oppressed by the right eye (left brain) and yearns to be separated from it. The left eye is the willing villain. The right eye is the reluctant hero which would endeavor to stop the left eye if the left eye could ever get a body of its own.
The trouble with all this is that it's hard to pay attention to what it is I'm doing without risking affecting the results or worse, playing to the results. Nevertheless, I will try to notice when I'm talking to someone, which eye I'm using dominantly while speaking to them. I find I prefer being to the left of Digby when speaking to her and that would correspond to my right eye (something I've read recently suggests that I am doing myself no favors preferring to speak to her from that side); that I prefer holding the phone to my left ear which makes it harder for my left eye to see since my hand is now visible blocking some of its view; that when I'm confrontationally mad at someone, that I prefer to face them, keeping them slightly to the left of my field of view (ideal for the left eye); and that when I'm mad but don't want there to be a yelling fight; but rather, a more "reasoned" one, I'll either keep the person to my right peripheral field or if I must face them, keep my head down with the left side tilted slightly downward (ideal or at least better for the right eye).
I wonder now how I handle ordinary conversation? For those of you who actually speak to me face-to-face, try to notice which eye I'm looking at you with as it just may indicate the trustworthiness of the advice I am offering. Something fun to keep in mind, for the future.....
1 I'm referring to people who may have found this blog and not those who were told about it
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