A FAREWELL TO YOUTH...

     She was there. She spoke to me briefly. She gave me a polite hug and kiss on the cheek. :-)

     I never thought I would see The First One again with my own eyes or hear her voice and although my shitty memory dooms me to have already forgotten both, it did happen. She wasn't supposed to be there. I was prepared for that disappointment but for the first time in a while, my pessimism was wrong. I got to see, hear, and be near her one last time. Nothing would come of it, as expected, so I can only conclude that God does not me to believe in Him that badly. ;-)

     It was my high school class's 20th reunion. There were more people there than I had thought were coming (I can't be bothered to come up with one-time nicknames - some are in the pictures I've downloaded, others with have to suffice with initials like RD (who brought The First One), AC, AT, RJ, KS, CM, MC, CN, MW, SG, and even JS (my brother's other crush) et al....I'm not even sure if these initials will help...probably have duplicates). I didn't get to say hello to them all. Unfortunately several were not present, including Patient Zero, whom I would really like to have seen again. She was always nice to me. The last person who saw me from my class (at work), EE, did not show nor did Smokeychick as she had business to attend to with her new home.
     The four hours went by far too quickly and once again I found myself ruminating on what I didn't say and what I should've said because my happiness has never been permitted to last long. I took my friend, The Security Guard, with me because he is naturally more social than I am. I thought he would be able to help sell me better. Unfortunately, he was extra tired that day so he kept mostly to himself forcing me to do what I could to socialize on my own. I'm not mad though I'm curious how (and assuming it were possible to pull off - impossible now as her license has been suspended a second time for DWI) Winwood would have managed in that environment...especially with The First One there.

     Still...it felt good. It has been a long time since I had last been steeped in such familiarity even if only from the recognition of faces last seen long ago.
     I got an "award" for Person Who Has Changed Least Since High School. I don't normally say I deserve things, but I deserved that one. The First One got an "award" for Having Had the Most Work Done, haha.

     Everyone there who spoke to me spoke to me kindly, some thanking me for my uploads to the event's Facebook page or just my posts in general. But no one except DOB lingered for any length of time with me...just like high school.

     Overall, and perhaps because I've never felt much of a connection to my classmates (my fault...really. No...really), the event had the feeling of a wake. Hell, there were even photo collages and memorabilia! It was as though we had all come together one last time, in a spirit of obligation, to honor the memory of our deceased youth both literally in those classmates of ours who have since passed and metaphorically for those who could not be there with us that night.
     Perhaps it's a twisted way of looking at such things but what else were we celebrating? Certainly not a future in which we would again be together. We would part ways that night, having left something behind and only taking that which we had brought with us. I don't suspect I will ever see any of them ever again with my own eyes aside from some rare random encounter...most likely at work. They were family to me in the same sense of my blood family: people brought and kept together by circumstance rather than choice.

     I'm going to miss them. Really. And though last night was a step closer to the abyss which awaits us all, it was fun and most of all, it felt good, even if only for a little while...