THE SEEKER MUST NOW BE SOUGHT...

     Last month I destroyed my dating site profiles. I'm giving up. Whether for the time-being or for good remains to be seen. I'm tired of the routine. It's a lot of wasted time and effort for practically no results. I'll admit I'm already feeling a little better since I'm able to devote what little energy I can self-generate to other tasks, even some old-school stuff like listening (and sometimes singing along) to music. In that sense it's been fun. Maybe I can finally tackle some projects I've let wither on the vine like my language. Hell, I'm already writing more entries to the stupid blog than I have for quite a while. Let's see where it goes...

     I'll take from the experience what I got out of it. I got a taste of normalcy from Winwood. I got to have the title of boyfriend from Costello. And even afterward I managed to get a date (albeit only one) from a girl I asked out in real life. In a sense I've accomplished several major lifetime goals (albeit very late in life). The only thing I've never managed to do was get to date one of my crushes. There hasn't been another one since Number Twelve, which evaporated quickly and there hasn't been a strong, lingering one since Digby and I first started crushing on her over seven years ago. It makes me think my heart is out of it. It's had enough...I've had enough.

     Strangely I'm not sad about it. If something happens, I'll let it happen but I'm not seeking it. I should focus what's left of my life on things I enjoy and might enjoy doing. I certainly need something. The sad truth is I can't say for certain that I have anything to look forward to after the New Horizons spacecraft passes Pluto next year in July (and to a lesser extent, the Dawn spacecraft will also be put into orbit around the largest main belt asteroid Ceres that year too). I still look forward to The Simpsons but I don't know how much longer that show has. I don't think this season is the last because the media would be all over that. It might be next season. We'll see.

      I need something to grab on to but nothing's been coming my way. This all sounds way sadder than I mean it. It's just nice to have things to look forward to...