Sometimes I just wish someone I date would take me aside and convincingly tell me in a manner I would no way misinterpret as hurtful that I shouldn't date...that it's not for me because dating/being in a relationship isn't me.
I want to be told that I am meant to be alone because that is who I am. The intent wouldn't be that of a sad ending, but rather an ending appropriate for a mind like mine. That I'm not meant to be pinned to a single soul. That my duty lies in helping others and that I cannot be that man if I am obligated to another solely. Yes, I will be lonely at times but it will not be for naught. Yes, I will be horny at times but there's a way for dealing with that. Yes, I will long for a human touch but it will turn out it is that yearning which allows me to be at my best. A rationale for my life...
I'll admit I, at times, wish prostitution were legal and that I would not feel guilty in partaking. I want to believe that at least some of these women are doing it because they genuinely enjoy and are not otherwise trapped in a cycle of despair or abuse from which they cannot escape. It's difficult overlooking the power of reproductive urges. They're so selfish...so needy...so wanting... If I didn't feel them at all, my life would prove much more bearable. I wish it didn't feel so intoxicating, the desire to feel wanted at that raw, animalistic, sexual level...
I also admit I have a difficult time even imagining being in a relationship. It's weird. I can envision the companionship angle of it...the day-to-day stuff, but not the romance...not the wooing. Those latter aspects feel so unlike me. I love caring for other people in tangible ways but I have no desire to solicit a person to care for.
Eh, I don't know...
No comments:
Post a Comment