I tried abstaining from masturbation for the first time back in 2012 but failed after 30 days. I failed both out of frustration and because the girl who would become my girlfriend was a virgin and intended to remain one. It felt pointless to continue and continue, I did not.
This time it has been different. Though I have yet to see her again (yet...supposed to this Friday), I've been abstaining again from masturbation in the hopes that it is true that I've been overstimulating myself to the point where my penis doesn't function like it's supposed to during sex. Every time I have...those very few times...I've never come. It's always gone soft on me. My spirit was willing but my flesh was weak and all too literally at that.
I've been really excited about this girl and despite not having seen her for over two months now, we have continued to communicate so I've never lost hope. After getting her phone number I started abstaining. It was difficult at first...I slipped up three times over the first two weeks but since then I have not wavered in my endeavor. I'm up to day 56 now out of a goal time of 90 days. I don't think I've gone this long without coming since I first learned how to do it.
It definitely feels like it's working. I'm feeling like my penis is returning to life. I just haven't been able to test it out. Perhaps it's been a good thing I have not been able to see this girl for so long. It has allowed me to keep at my goal as well as allowed my body's sensitivity to restore itself. We may have had sex by now had we been able to see each other and I may have failed once again. This time, I feel like I won't fail. I just hope there is a "this time".
The one thing I'm finding strange though is how easy it's been this go-'round. I mean, I still get urges and I've still been downloading new pornography but I have managed to resist giving in all this time despite setbacks. It's like I'm happy for myself but at the same time I am wondering if this is another manifestation of depression. I mean, I like masturbating. It feels good to orgasm. But since one of the symptoms of depression is stopping doing things which once brought you pleasure, I'm left wondering...
Still...55 days down and 45 to go for goal and further should I want to. Still, it has been oddly easy... Also, I hope she sticks around long enough for me to have to give her an alias on this blog :-)
ADDENDUM: I've made it to 90 days. And it continues. February 27th will be Day 100. There's no sense in not making it at least that far and since February has but one day left at that point, I may as well finish out February too. I'm setting the "high score" right now. I'll admit I'm kinda sorta proud of myself.
ADDENDUM II: I put an end to it at 108 days. I have not been good about balancing the masturbation and non-masturbation days since. I never got to test whether or not I had resensitized and now I worry if I have totally undone the work I did...
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