I was reading through the comment section of this Cracked article and stumbled upon this gem from Crusty_McNads:
I think the concept of time is more like being duct-taped to the back of an ambulance without brakes hurtling towards an orphanage at 200 mph with a shrieking monkey throwing dynamite at oncoming traffic as they try to dodge your wake of destruction. and the only thing playing on the radio of the ambulance is the sound of cash registers opening mixed with people screaming... the point is you have no idea when you'll finally smash into the orphanage, delivering an explosion large enough to vaporize anyone caught within 100 yards of the building due to your payload of unexploded dynamite that the deranged monkey has not yet managed to unload into the unexpecting populace, but you can see the trail of destruction which follows your journey towards death.
also the monkey smokes a cigar.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
BIZARRE AND EDUCATIONAL...IT'S A TWO-FER!
I was linked to this by www.nerdist.com. It's quirky (quarky?) and surprisingly listenable. Learning something new by song...it's so grade school! :-)
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO BASIC ETIQUETTE?
I have such cheap friends. My roommate turned thirty this past Saturday and for that, he naturally decided to make a celebration of it with his friends. He created the event and hosted it himself. That's important to note: This was not a surprise party or a party being held in his honor, this was an event that he had created and he was hosting.
I'll admit that I didn't even want to go and was still feeling that way right up until the last minute. Remember, I'm pissed that he isn't looking for work and that he does nothing around this apartment despite being here the whole day. Occasionally he'll do the dishes...but only just as I was about to do them. He did that once with the bathroom too. I set everything up to start and then and only then did he volunteer to do it (and do it poorly as he did not clean the floor - why else would I have taken out the floor cleaner? --- he didn't clean the wall tiles in the bathtub or the sink or the outside of the toilet bowl either...). I'm also not happy with his masseur business and the fact that he brought clients home without telling me for a time (he also brings guys home for anonymous sex too that he meets online...this I'm not happy with either. It's the same thing as his clients. Just because he's not getting paid [or paying them] doesn't change the fact that he's bringing a person home who has not been vetted). All these things played into me wanting to ditch him on his birthday last minute: It would be the only time I could effectively hurt him. But I talked myself out of it, got up early like I was supposed to, and went to the event all the while carrying a nagging suspicion.
The family-style restaurant we went to was loud. For some reason, acoustics are not factored in to these places. This is the third restaurant of three that I've been in that I can't hear anyone (even those sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME) when it's at capacity. These places should be designed like music studios with sound absorbing walls, but instead it's wood or stone or any hard flat surface that easily reflects sound. I guess they do it because they had a sense of décor in mind but while it might look beautiful, it creates a bad conversational atmosphere. Thankfully one of the roommate's friends (whom I've met before) is easy to talk to and we kept as good a conversation as we could given the atmosphere going throughout the time I was there. Our groups need a roundtable format, seriously. There were fifteen of us, but I was only in range of three. The only good thing about the night was my schadenfreude over the seeming fact that the girl I was seated next to seemed to be playing my usual role, the wallflower, that night. Who knew I could ever be anywhere but at the bottom of the social totem pole?
Dinner was lacking. There was salad and bread as appetizers but I'm not a salad guy. I eat few vegetables as is and salads inevitably have ones I won't eat and are covered in oils which I would prefer not be on my healthy foods. The main course was lasagna and two variants of chicken...all of which were meaty and salty. I desperately needed a vegetable chaser like corn or green beans but none was to be had so I ended up eating very little.
I still had to work that night so I had to leave before dessert arrived. Thankfully I wasn't the only one leaving so I was able to secure a ride to work (though I was still late...funny how the only times I have ever been late to work was when I got a ride there!). As I'm leaving, the roommate calls me over and asks me for forty dollars to cover my share of the meal. I gave him the money while restraining my inner unhappy surprise.
Really?! I had to pay? Understand, I'm not saying this because I am cheap and fuck you if you think I am. You don't host an event and expect the attendees to pay. That's just rude: It's a violation of basic etiquette. I'd like to say I've never heard of this before, but in 2008, I got the same thing from another friend in my college group.
She had her birthday and like my roommate created the event (posting the invitation online) and hosted it at a Korean chicken restaurant in Manhattan. I and my roommate (who mentally, I was still on good terms with) went out together to go see her. Forgetting for the moment that the acoustics in this place were particularly bad (I couldn't hear ANYBODY the whole night) and the $25 minimum order (what the fuck is that?), at the end of the night we were both expected to pay for ourselves and for her. That irked me then. This current event irks me now.
Who the hell does that? When I had my 30th birthday, my Mom hosted the event. Outside of immediate family, I invited six people (only two of whom showed...). Guess what? Mom paid for the whole thing and not because she's generous but because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do when you host an event. Even impromptu stuff, the host paid be it my Mom, Dad, me, my best friend's parents, my best friend's grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, etc. etc. etc. because that's what you do. So many of my and my brother's friends have gone to movies courtesy of my Dad and never had to pay (they got popcorn and soda too). It infuriates me. No one in my family is well-off: We're all decidedly working class...but that's what you do.
I rarely host events but I have and will continue to do so. I tend to keep such events small because I can't afford to do much. But it's a simple metric --- if I invite you out to a planned event, you're not paying. If you invite yourself along, you're paying; but not the other way around [e.g. if I were to mention that I was going out to see a movie and you wanted to come along, you're paying but if I invite you to come see a movie with me, you don't pay. Get it?]. It doesn't bother me to do so. I figure what goes around, comes around. If I invite you out, you will invite me out at some point.
Oh well, once bitten...twice shy. I should've known this would happen because seriously...how could he have afforded such a place on his Unemployment Insurance? There's no way he's sucked enough dicks for money to cover it otherwise... Either way, if he could not afford to host a dinner party, he should not have had one. Hosting one anyway and expecting your attendees to pay is just plain ignorant and selfish. I just can't go out to events hosted by my college friends anymore...
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ADDENDUM: I should note that my roommate left me a note with thirty dollars writing on it that he felt bad that I ate so little (I think he thought this was so not because I was sated on what I had eaten but because I had to leave so soon into it and the dinner started later than planned). This in of itself does not negate the previous entry. I would NEVER have gotten thirty dollars back if we were not living together. I just would have had a $20 piece of lasagna and a $20 piece of chicken parmesean.
I'll admit that I didn't even want to go and was still feeling that way right up until the last minute. Remember, I'm pissed that he isn't looking for work and that he does nothing around this apartment despite being here the whole day. Occasionally he'll do the dishes...but only just as I was about to do them. He did that once with the bathroom too. I set everything up to start and then and only then did he volunteer to do it (and do it poorly as he did not clean the floor - why else would I have taken out the floor cleaner? --- he didn't clean the wall tiles in the bathtub or the sink or the outside of the toilet bowl either...). I'm also not happy with his masseur business and the fact that he brought clients home without telling me for a time (he also brings guys home for anonymous sex too that he meets online...this I'm not happy with either. It's the same thing as his clients. Just because he's not getting paid [or paying them] doesn't change the fact that he's bringing a person home who has not been vetted). All these things played into me wanting to ditch him on his birthday last minute: It would be the only time I could effectively hurt him. But I talked myself out of it, got up early like I was supposed to, and went to the event all the while carrying a nagging suspicion.
The family-style restaurant we went to was loud. For some reason, acoustics are not factored in to these places. This is the third restaurant of three that I've been in that I can't hear anyone (even those sitting RIGHT NEXT TO ME) when it's at capacity. These places should be designed like music studios with sound absorbing walls, but instead it's wood or stone or any hard flat surface that easily reflects sound. I guess they do it because they had a sense of décor in mind but while it might look beautiful, it creates a bad conversational atmosphere. Thankfully one of the roommate's friends (whom I've met before) is easy to talk to and we kept as good a conversation as we could given the atmosphere going throughout the time I was there. Our groups need a roundtable format, seriously. There were fifteen of us, but I was only in range of three. The only good thing about the night was my schadenfreude over the seeming fact that the girl I was seated next to seemed to be playing my usual role, the wallflower, that night. Who knew I could ever be anywhere but at the bottom of the social totem pole?
Dinner was lacking. There was salad and bread as appetizers but I'm not a salad guy. I eat few vegetables as is and salads inevitably have ones I won't eat and are covered in oils which I would prefer not be on my healthy foods. The main course was lasagna and two variants of chicken...all of which were meaty and salty. I desperately needed a vegetable chaser like corn or green beans but none was to be had so I ended up eating very little.
I still had to work that night so I had to leave before dessert arrived. Thankfully I wasn't the only one leaving so I was able to secure a ride to work (though I was still late...funny how the only times I have ever been late to work was when I got a ride there!). As I'm leaving, the roommate calls me over and asks me for forty dollars to cover my share of the meal. I gave him the money while restraining my inner unhappy surprise.
Really?! I had to pay? Understand, I'm not saying this because I am cheap and fuck you if you think I am. You don't host an event and expect the attendees to pay. That's just rude: It's a violation of basic etiquette. I'd like to say I've never heard of this before, but in 2008, I got the same thing from another friend in my college group.
She had her birthday and like my roommate created the event (posting the invitation online) and hosted it at a Korean chicken restaurant in Manhattan. I and my roommate (who mentally, I was still on good terms with) went out together to go see her. Forgetting for the moment that the acoustics in this place were particularly bad (I couldn't hear ANYBODY the whole night) and the $25 minimum order (what the fuck is that?), at the end of the night we were both expected to pay for ourselves and for her. That irked me then. This current event irks me now.
Who the hell does that? When I had my 30th birthday, my Mom hosted the event. Outside of immediate family, I invited six people (only two of whom showed...). Guess what? Mom paid for the whole thing and not because she's generous but because that's what you're SUPPOSED to do when you host an event. Even impromptu stuff, the host paid be it my Mom, Dad, me, my best friend's parents, my best friend's grandparents, my uncles, my aunts, etc. etc. etc. because that's what you do. So many of my and my brother's friends have gone to movies courtesy of my Dad and never had to pay (they got popcorn and soda too). It infuriates me. No one in my family is well-off: We're all decidedly working class...but that's what you do.
I rarely host events but I have and will continue to do so. I tend to keep such events small because I can't afford to do much. But it's a simple metric --- if I invite you out to a planned event, you're not paying. If you invite yourself along, you're paying; but not the other way around [e.g. if I were to mention that I was going out to see a movie and you wanted to come along, you're paying but if I invite you to come see a movie with me, you don't pay. Get it?]. It doesn't bother me to do so. I figure what goes around, comes around. If I invite you out, you will invite me out at some point.
Oh well, once bitten...twice shy. I should've known this would happen because seriously...how could he have afforded such a place on his Unemployment Insurance? There's no way he's sucked enough dicks for money to cover it otherwise... Either way, if he could not afford to host a dinner party, he should not have had one. Hosting one anyway and expecting your attendees to pay is just plain ignorant and selfish. I just can't go out to events hosted by my college friends anymore...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ADDENDUM: I should note that my roommate left me a note with thirty dollars writing on it that he felt bad that I ate so little (I think he thought this was so not because I was sated on what I had eaten but because I had to leave so soon into it and the dinner started later than planned). This in of itself does not negate the previous entry. I would NEVER have gotten thirty dollars back if we were not living together. I just would have had a $20 piece of lasagna and a $20 piece of chicken parmesean.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
I ACTUALLY LIKE THIS SHIT, part III
I guess I've found my Saturday thing :-P
Thursday, October 28, 2010
THIS STORY SOUNDS FAMILIAR...
I got knocked the fuck out yesterday by some sort of cold. Fever, chills, runny nose, sneezing...the works. I actually called out of work for the first time this year too. I slept for over fourteen hours, though not in a row as I kept waking drenched in sweat or coughing every hour or so. I finally crept out of bed to find everything the way I had left it. Ugh...again? My last roommate did this to me too. Thanks for picking up the slack while I was laid out.
The dishes from the night before were all still there, unwashed...along with some additional ones. The kitchen floor is still unswept, the stove is still covered in stains from HIS cooking. Somehow only I know how to cook without covering the stove in organic filth. The dining room, which I clean like clockwork EVERY Wednesday, is still a mess. The floor, which I also vacuum the same day, undone. He didn't even get the mail. Why would it be otherwise... What the fuck does he do all day?!!
Why is it impossible for me to find people who grasp this ridiculously simple concept? I'm still not feeling well. My throat, while not sore, will likely get there as I am coughing more. I'm pretty sure I'm still feverish and I'm jumping between moments of being cold and sweating. I don't know when I'll be sleeping today but I'll have to. I can't call out again.
And of course, it's not like the reason none of these chores were done was because he was out getting interviewed for work or even LOOKING for work. Just a lazy fuck sucking off the public teat. I don't really want to live by myself, but I can't wait to be living by myself...
The dishes from the night before were all still there, unwashed...along with some additional ones. The kitchen floor is still unswept, the stove is still covered in stains from HIS cooking. Somehow only I know how to cook without covering the stove in organic filth. The dining room, which I clean like clockwork EVERY Wednesday, is still a mess. The floor, which I also vacuum the same day, undone. He didn't even get the mail. Why would it be otherwise... What the fuck does he do all day?!!
Why is it impossible for me to find people who grasp this ridiculously simple concept? I'm still not feeling well. My throat, while not sore, will likely get there as I am coughing more. I'm pretty sure I'm still feverish and I'm jumping between moments of being cold and sweating. I don't know when I'll be sleeping today but I'll have to. I can't call out again.
And of course, it's not like the reason none of these chores were done was because he was out getting interviewed for work or even LOOKING for work. Just a lazy fuck sucking off the public teat. I don't really want to live by myself, but I can't wait to be living by myself...
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
I HATE THIS BULLSHIT...
I just read this article about a cheerleader who was suspended (from cheerleading) for a photo posted of her on Facebook that suggests she is drinking alcohol. The school found out about this photo from an anonymous snitch. The parents are considering suing the school. I hope they do and more importantly, I hope they win.
This girl should not have been suspended for what she was (or was not) doing during her free time. I'm tired of this bullshit. I've looked at the photo. She appears to be holding a bottle of beer (her mother says something else is actually holding it near her mouth - that person had been cropped out of the photo or was never in the original image). She isn't drinking from it and quite frankly, even if she were, it's impossible to know for certain what is even in that bottle. Hell, there's pictures of me from when I was fourteen or fifteen giving a cheers with a beer can with my Dad. Anyone who knows me knows I did not drink from that can. It's called a joke. I hate these humorless institutions.
If this cheerleader had been caught drinking alcohol on school grounds, then by all means suspend her, expel her, whatever the school policy is...go for it. That's totally their jurisdiction. However, what this girl (or anyone for that matter) does on their free time is none of the school's (or your employer's) fucking business...ever. The fact that this photo was reported to school administrators anonymously is even more infuriating. Not only is this girl not being given a chance to defend herself, she is also unable to face her accuser which, correct me if I'm wrong, I thought was a fundamental right in the court of law. I assure you now, to anyone out there, if I am ever planning to take you down for something you have done (or that I believe strongly you have done), you can be assured I will do so using my real name because I don't do that shit. Regardless of what happens, I hope this anonymous accuser gets unmasked so s/he can be publicly shamed for this uncivilized behavior. Fuck anonymous snitches.
I don't want to hear that the internet is a public place. It is, but in the same way that parks are public places and that your front yard is a public(ly viewable) space. You can still be arrested for lewd behavior in a public park. The fact that it's public doesn't immunize you from prosecution. You can also peer inside windows of houses and apartments (especially at night) and look inside someone's house. No one will fault you for a glance. After all, we're only human. But if you linger, that's peeping and an arrestable offense even if the offense is committed from a decidedly public street or sidewalk (or even from the comfort of your own home if you happen to live across the street from such windows).
I look at the internet very much like a person's front yard. It's private property but it's viewable publicly. Though it's not really a choice, I'm inviting you to see my house, but only from the outside. To see the inside, you must be invited in. Anything else is a violation of my privacy and personal space. Just because my windows are transparent doesn't give the right to peer through them. The same goes for sites like Facebook and (the ever-atrophying) MySpace. If I haven't friended you, it means that I have not invited you into my (internet) life. You are only permitted to see my "house" (profile) from the "outside" (publicly viewable profile page). The contents therein are not for you. Just because we have to deal with each other in real life does not mean you have been automatically granted access to my internet life and certainly not my private life. If you gain access to that information either yourself or through another (even if it's through my carelessness), you are no different from a Peeping Tom and should be treated thusly. The rules for search & seizure ought to apply here as well: if the information/evidence gleaned and/or received has not been obtained through proper channels (and especially not legally), it is inadmissible for prosecution and even consideration.
Again, I don't mean to imply that we online should be able to act with impunity. If an employer doesn't allow its employees to do personal business online while they are on the clock (or with company equipment), I have no problem with that. A company has a right to determine acceptable behaviors for its employees during the time they are doing work for that company. It's only fair. It's the bleeding into our free time that's pissing me the fuck off. I am my company's bitch while on the clock but I belong to no one once my shift is over. The same goes for students and for law-abiding citizens.
So, to all school districts, government agencies, and especially employers who use or threaten to use what we post for our friends online in our free time to intimidate us or threaten our jobs, schooling, or even freedom over...go fuck yourselves. And especially fuck anyone who snitches on another anonymously for any reason be it perceptions of moral righteousness, revenge, or simply to get ahead in the workplace. You should all be unmasked and have your secrets divulged publicly. If you don't respect my privacy, you don't deserve yours. If you have a problem with me or something I have posted, you come to ME first and foremost. You don't go bitch to management about my alleged online activities.
This girl should not have been suspended for what she was (or was not) doing during her free time. I'm tired of this bullshit. I've looked at the photo. She appears to be holding a bottle of beer (her mother says something else is actually holding it near her mouth - that person had been cropped out of the photo or was never in the original image). She isn't drinking from it and quite frankly, even if she were, it's impossible to know for certain what is even in that bottle. Hell, there's pictures of me from when I was fourteen or fifteen giving a cheers with a beer can with my Dad. Anyone who knows me knows I did not drink from that can. It's called a joke. I hate these humorless institutions.
--- the photo in question ---
If this cheerleader had been caught drinking alcohol on school grounds, then by all means suspend her, expel her, whatever the school policy is...go for it. That's totally their jurisdiction. However, what this girl (or anyone for that matter) does on their free time is none of the school's (or your employer's) fucking business...ever. The fact that this photo was reported to school administrators anonymously is even more infuriating. Not only is this girl not being given a chance to defend herself, she is also unable to face her accuser which, correct me if I'm wrong, I thought was a fundamental right in the court of law. I assure you now, to anyone out there, if I am ever planning to take you down for something you have done (or that I believe strongly you have done), you can be assured I will do so using my real name because I don't do that shit. Regardless of what happens, I hope this anonymous accuser gets unmasked so s/he can be publicly shamed for this uncivilized behavior. Fuck anonymous snitches.
I don't want to hear that the internet is a public place. It is, but in the same way that parks are public places and that your front yard is a public(ly viewable) space. You can still be arrested for lewd behavior in a public park. The fact that it's public doesn't immunize you from prosecution. You can also peer inside windows of houses and apartments (especially at night) and look inside someone's house. No one will fault you for a glance. After all, we're only human. But if you linger, that's peeping and an arrestable offense even if the offense is committed from a decidedly public street or sidewalk (or even from the comfort of your own home if you happen to live across the street from such windows).
I look at the internet very much like a person's front yard. It's private property but it's viewable publicly. Though it's not really a choice, I'm inviting you to see my house, but only from the outside. To see the inside, you must be invited in. Anything else is a violation of my privacy and personal space. Just because my windows are transparent doesn't give the right to peer through them. The same goes for sites like Facebook and (the ever-atrophying) MySpace. If I haven't friended you, it means that I have not invited you into my (internet) life. You are only permitted to see my "house" (profile) from the "outside" (publicly viewable profile page). The contents therein are not for you. Just because we have to deal with each other in real life does not mean you have been automatically granted access to my internet life and certainly not my private life. If you gain access to that information either yourself or through another (even if it's through my carelessness), you are no different from a Peeping Tom and should be treated thusly. The rules for search & seizure ought to apply here as well: if the information/evidence gleaned and/or received has not been obtained through proper channels (and especially not legally), it is inadmissible for prosecution and even consideration.
Again, I don't mean to imply that we online should be able to act with impunity. If an employer doesn't allow its employees to do personal business online while they are on the clock (or with company equipment), I have no problem with that. A company has a right to determine acceptable behaviors for its employees during the time they are doing work for that company. It's only fair. It's the bleeding into our free time that's pissing me the fuck off. I am my company's bitch while on the clock but I belong to no one once my shift is over. The same goes for students and for law-abiding citizens.
So, to all school districts, government agencies, and especially employers who use or threaten to use what we post for our friends online in our free time to intimidate us or threaten our jobs, schooling, or even freedom over...go fuck yourselves. And especially fuck anyone who snitches on another anonymously for any reason be it perceptions of moral righteousness, revenge, or simply to get ahead in the workplace. You should all be unmasked and have your secrets divulged publicly. If you don't respect my privacy, you don't deserve yours. If you have a problem with me or something I have posted, you come to ME first and foremost. You don't go bitch to management about my alleged online activities.
Monday, October 25, 2010
!!!!! BAD JOKE ALERT !!!!!
Last night at work, a girl came in wearing a grey hoodie with the layout of a NES controller printed across it. The D-pad and BA buttons were over either of her breasts. Something tells me that entering the Konami Code would not have earned me 30 lives but rather, 30 to life...