I started getting sick on Tuesday (digusting sneezing sickness and slight scratchiness in the throat for those who must know), thought I was getting better on Wednesday though never felt totally better at work, and then had it come back with a vengeance for Thursday. I went to bed at about 6 a.m. (I usually go to sleep at 7 a.m.), and would not get up for any more than a bathroom trip until 3 a.m. this Friday morning. I had a fever, cold sweats, stuffy nose, and a very sore throat. I'm getting better now. The stuffiness remains, but everything else has gone. I called out of work yesterday (something I did not want to do as I've called out a lot this year -- 6 days!) and now am facing the prospect of my annual income actually dropping for the first time since the 1997/8 period. Sigh.....
What bothered me about this whole experience is exactly how much my Best Friend did not pick up the slack for me yesterday. She's been bothering me with her general laziness around this apartment and had been given the perfect opportunity to make me look like an ass yesterday only instead, to thoroughly disappoint.
When she came home, she found me asleep in my room and woke me to ask to come out and keep her company as she was depressed and wanted to talk to me. Normally, I would get up at this point because that's what I do, but I was sick and mumbled so through my sore throat. A few hours later, I would get up to use the bathroom. She asked me what was going on for dinner and I told her that I wouldn't be cooking anything but that I would give her money to get some Boston Market or Chinese Food or even a pizza. She didn't say anything. She again asked me to get up to keep her company because she was depressed and that she would take care of me because I was sick by making me soup or something and again I told her that I was sick and unusually tired and went back to bed.
For those of you who think I'm acting like an ass here in not comforting my Best Friend, I'll remind you that she's practically a hypochondriac and that I was actually thinking of her by not hanging around her and coughing my extra-powerful viruses on her. She acts as though I were giving her the plague if anything I'm eating or drinking with comes in contact with her food or drink...as if I don't find that terribly insulting. She accidentally drank from my Pepsi the other day and when she found out she was disgusted and lamented that she would now be getting sick (she hasn't). How does she kiss her boyfriends? She even gets disgusted if I taste a piece of pasta to make sure it's done using the same large spoon I've been stirring it with -- never mind that the water the pasta's in is BOILING and will kill every virus and practically every bacterium known to man (unless I'm actually harboring those Yellowstone hot springs bacteria in my mouth). She has no concept of germ theory, but I digress.
I was considering calling my Best Friend's cellphone from my room after 9 o'clock so she could let me know what's been bothering her, but she went to bed at about 8:45 p.m. and the next time I would see would be about 2 a.m.
So, what did I finally awaken to at 3 a.m.? What did my Best Friend do all day while I was laid out? I awoke to find the same Pepsi can, plastic cup, and glass on the coffee table in the living room that was there when I left for work Wednesday night. I saw a package of bread on the table and a bottle of Nutella with a knife laid across the lid. The dishes from Wednesday's dinner (which I would've done Thursday afternoon) were still not done, she ate up the last of the brownies (good thing I set aside three that morning for my lunch snacks at work) and left the messy plate by the sink with no attempt made to scrape the crumbs off it. I found the mail still by the door at the bottom of the stairs (she never bothered to go get it). The garbage can was full...why would she take it out. The recyclables were full...again, why would she take it out. And there was no attempt to make me any dinner nor did she go out like I had suggested to get me anything when I did finally get up meaning that she also missed an opportunity to show me some of the generosity I claim she doesn't have...cuz why would she spend some of her money on me. There also was only about a quarter cup of orange juice left too. *sigh* So in other words, my Best Friend "took care of me" while I was sick by making sure that everything I was supposed to do that Thursday would be there waiting for me when I would get up this Friday morning and that I would be doing it without any dinner cuz no one's ever hungry after having gone 21 hours without eating.
I'm really glad to know that I can count on her to pick up the slack when I'm laid out for a little while. I confronted her about this...I don't know why I did because I should've known ahead of time that it would lead to an argument whereby not only would I be wrong but how could I expect my Best Friend to do anything when she was depressed? Another thing I can add to the pile for why I am just so completely disgusted with her.
She told me the other day too that I would be getting a Christmas present, a new computer chair to replace the broken one I've been sitting on since July that she said she would replace then. Now I'm getting something she was supposed to have done months ago and it's getting rebranded as a Christmas present. I feel so loved. And I don't know if it's ironic or simply a coincidence, but she and her most recent boyfriend basically broke up over his "thoughtlessness" over her birthday present. They argued over it and within a week or two, they were broken up. Now, I'm obviously not gonna "break up" with her over this, but I do find it somewhat amusing that I'm now the recipient of the same kind of thoughtlessness that she claimed to have gotten from her ex-boyfriend and I'm supposed to be happy that I'm getting anything. So this means, after 14 Christmases, I'll be receiving my second gift from her. I gave her a digital camera for Christmas which was supposed to be an identical one to the one I'm using but instead received the next higher model. It works the same, so she's happy. She also got a $50 gift certificate to Macy's paid for by my credit card purchases over this past year. For those of you keeping track, it was actually a digital camera that her ex got her for her birthday. I felt it was thoughtful as my Best Friend was always borrowing mine and he may have simply concluded that she did not have a camera so he got her one. That was his big mistake, especially since it wasn't sleek and stylish like mine (I personally got it because it garnered really positive reviews -- it seemed like a good first camera for that reason. The fashionableness was coincidental). I get her a camera nearly identical to my own and it suddenly became a thoughtful gift when in fact (I didn't want to get her anything -- money's tight this year but) I was tired of her using my own so often. I admit that this thus removes the thoughtfulness of the gift idea from my perspective.
It's not so much that I actually want her to get me gifts and I will not even claim to feel entitled to them but is it wrong to want to feel like she actually listens to me throughout the year? There are easily a dozen things she could've done that would show me that she not only is paying attention, but that she cares. And I'm not even talking money. I really am a thought that counts kinda guy and I can't even get that. ----- [My most thoughtful Christmas gift this year will almost certainly be from Grotla with the "Nostalgia" comic I've been remembering for like ten years now. I made a passing reference to it to her (Grotla) at Candlemaker and Miss Hugs-a-Lot's reception and a few months later, I received it in the mail much to my delight.]
It bothers me so much from her (Best Friend) because she's (Best Friend's) told me and I've heard her (Best Friend) on the phone talking to her friends about how she's been with certain boyfriends for a lot longer than she wanted to simply because she would rather be in a bad relationship than not have anyone at all. So how is that supposed to make me feel? She's put me down on more than one occasion calling me a loser, weird, that I walk funny, diatribes about my job, the way I dress, and such. All destructive criticism with no attempt being made as to how I might improve upon this. I really get the impression at times that she's embarrassed to know me or embarrassed that she has to know me because I'm the only one of her friends who has stuck by her over the years. She's been making some friends now but I have no confidence that she'll keep them. I always introduce her as "my best friend" (although lately, I've been thinking that "best" is more of a euphemism for "known the longest") wherever we go. I don't think I've ever heard the same. I think it's a mixture of "This is my friend Vachon" -- "This is Vachon. No, we're just friends." -- She barely admits to anyone that we live together. Am I her friend or will she just ditch me the moment someone better comes along? I bring this up and of course she disagrees with it. *sigh*
I hope one of these days that I can actually be with someone who loves me so I can know what it's like. I feel like a beaten dog. There's nothing more in the world I would like than to be pet and yet every time I am pet or I look forward to being pet, I'm either let down or smacked. How much has my Best Friend contributed to my inability to accept compliments, praise, love, and affection I wonder? *looking down at keyboard*
Oh That Other Journal, where would I be without you?
ADDENDUM: Good to know I can count on my Roommate too for the same thing. I'm laid out on Wednesday (10/27/10) with a pretty powerful cold. What do I awake to find? All the dishes still waiting in the sink...plus new ones! He didn't get the mail. The kitchen floor unswept. I vacuum the dining room and living room every Wednesday...he didn't do that either. I clean the dining room too...nope. What does he do all day? It's not like he has a job or is even looking for one... What the fuck? How do I keep getting stuck with shitty roommates? I'm so glad I can count on my friends when I get sick...
(originally posted to That Other Journal on December 19, 2008)
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