WAITING FOR THE ALLERGY PILLS TO KICK IN THEATER PRESENTS...

(supposed to be titled)

--- WHERE ARE ALL THE FREE SPEECH VANGUARDS? ---

      Sometimes I think we need an N.R.A. type organization for the First Amendment...an organization which will fight tooth-and-nail to keep governments from the municipal to Federal level and businesses from Mom&Pop stores to multi-national conglomerates from passing laws, mandates, or guidelines which in any way restrict the free-speech rights of its citizens as well as, yes, the other aspects of that Amendment too - I'm not forgetting them...speech is kinda the cornerstone aspect of the whole Amendment. Removing free speech rights negatively affects one's ability to exercise religion freely, be a news reporter, assemble peaceably, and petition the government with grievances.

      One that would fight just as vigilantly as the N.R.A. does now for the Second Amendment. Just as the N.R.A. opposes any restrictions on gun-ownership rights for American citizens while promoting responsible gun use, I would like this imaginary First Amendment organization to adamantly oppose any legislation which restricts one's ability to practice free speech while actively promoting responsible free speech use.

      I'm one of those people who tends to believe (not always mind you) that outlawing something doesn't necessarily change the behavior being outlawed. Prohibition is this nation's ultimate example. Outlawing alcohol sales and consumption in the United States did not cause the nation as a whole to give up alcohol. I'm sure a statistically significant percentage of Americans did give up booze for the entire time it was illegal never once regretting having done so or having given thought to breaking the law to get some alcohol in their system. This, however, would not be the case for most of the rest of the nation and it resulted in the rise of organized crime, widespread disregard of the law, and the spread of dangerous alcohols (since like with illegal drugs today, you really can't go to the Better Business Bureau to report having been sold cocaine of a less-than-agreed-upon purity nor could you then report that your illegal booze had been spiked with antifreeze to give it an extra kick). I'm also one of those people who tends to be against creating laws prohibiting things which are already prohibited if it would just be applied to an already-existing law (e.g. Hate Crime legislation is redundant as it is already a crime to rob, beat-up, assault, murder, etc. an individual - the color of the victim's skin, gender, orientation, etc. are not relevant and even if they were a motivating/deciding factor in the crime committed, it doesn't change the fact that the crime committed was already a crime).

      And while yes, I understand that an organization promoting First Amendment rights would quickly overreach and get out of hand, I would still rather have that than the micro-managed world I feel like I increasingly belong to. And I would want this imaginary group to sue over the stupidest things too like not keeping score in a game or forcing kids to give Valentines to everyone or guys in the workplace not being allowed to hang up pictures of scantily-clad women in addition to opposing legislation against broader topics like bullying and harassment as well as other topics which are easy to recognize but difficult to define. The classic example is pornography and the definition given is usually some form of, "You know it when you see it." Try defining pornography for yourself and see if you can do it in such a way which does not accidentally exclude actual art or education. Basically I'm looking for a group which protects the assholes in society. They're not the kinds of people you can legislate against. People who are petty, self-absorbed, inconsiderate, offensive, baiting, etc. need to be dealt with extra-legally. That's what managers, teachers, and other people in positions of authority are for. Otherwise you end up getting laws seeking to micro-manage and I really can't get behind that kind of shit.

      I know I'm not speaking for everyone when I say this but I would much rather have to figure out how to deal with jerks and assholes than to have everyone afraid to say anything to anyone for fear of legally offending another. I'm not happy living in a litigious culture. I really and firmly believe in what Abraham Lincoln counseled in his days as a lawyer: "Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them how the nominal winner is often a real loser -- in fees, expenses, and waste of time. As a peacemaker the lawyer has a superior opportunity of being a good man. There will still be business enough." I firmly believe we need leave authority in the hands of those who have it. Let a boss at the workplace determine what is acceptable and what has gone too far. Let the teacher be able to determine the difference between "Knock it off!" and "send to the principal". And so on and so forth. It would be most certainly an imperfect world but it, I think, would be a better world to have too little legislation affecting our First Amendment rights than to have too much.

      I find that those organizations which do exist with the First Amendment in mind (G.L.A.A.D., the A.C.L.U., and N.A.A.C.P. to name a few) more often seek to create restrictions rather than preserve freedoms. And as it has been said before, there is a big difference between "I am offended" and "I am offended and no one should be allowed to do that"

      Okay...pills are kicking in now. Enjoy some Patrice O'Neal.

YOUR AD HERE (unless you're...)

      I'm gonna start with some quotes by OpieRadio on Twitter in response to people's responses to what Rush Limbaugh said about Sandra Fluke regarding recent changes in the law which now require health insurance to cover birth control with no co-pay:

WHAT'S WRONG WITH PEOPLE? Like it or not Rush Limbaugh should be allowed to say what he did on the radio in AMERICA!

[Re:] Rush Limbaugh - Let me dumb it down for some of you. I don't want the GOVERNMENT or ADVERTISERS to control what I listen to on the radio

A lot of you dopes are confused by 'I'm offended' AND 'I'm offended and NO ONE should be allowed to listen to him' THERE'S A BIG DIFFERENCE

      A common response to the first sentiment is (and I'll quote an actual comment): "Of course he has the right [to say what he did]. And thousands of people have the right to say, 'You're an ass, we won't do business with your advertisers.'" I take issue with that.

      What do advertisers have to do with a radio program, television show, magazine article, movie, etc. in terms of those shows content? Nothing...so I don't get the association. Maybe I'm the weirdo here, but I've never viewed any advertising for any show I've ever watched as somehow connected to the show I'm watching and/or listening to. And I resent the people who insist on making this conflation and then taking their trumped up connection to now threaten advertisers with boycotts and other forms of social shaming to further their agendas. And of course, because of these stupid-ass people, the advertisers now have to act like they are in fact part of the shows and programs upon which they advertise. They'll announce the cessation of their partnerships with bullshit lines like, "Our company no longer wishes to be associated with such&such a show" or mentioning something about their company's "image" and/or "reputation". Really? Neither assertion makes sense to me from the point of view of an advertiser. I can only see such points coming about because of stupid assholes conflating advertising with the shows they advertise on.

       The point of advertising is to sell your wares and advertising is more effective on platforms which speak to the most people. I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh, but I know a lot of people do...millions in fact (or not...maybe). Why would you not want to be associated with that? How is walking away from millions of potential customers a rational business decision? It's not even rational to take a boycott threat seriously. While there have been effective boycotts, they're notable for being small in number. The image and reputation arguments are also invalid. How is Honda's or Toyota's image and/or reputation served by Family Guy? How does Survivor hold up the reputation of Doritos? When you think of Desperate Housewives, does Pepsi come to mind? Who's actually making these associations between what is being advertised and the shows they're watching these ads on? And I don't want to hear absent these associations, bullshit ideas like sex toys would be advertised during children's shows because that wouldn't happen and not because of broadcasters forbidding it but because of demographics. A kid watching the Cartoon Express (I'm old) is not going to be contributing to dildo sales so sex toy vendors aren't going to be dropping their advertising dollars on such programming.

       Advertising is a necessary evil and will continue to be so for as long as corporations exist that have products to sell and services to offer. They need to remind you constantly of their existence or they will go away. There's a story I remember (but can't find proof of online...) about a soap company that was so successful that the owner deemed advertising of its product an unnecessary expense so he stopped...and business promptly plummeted. Out of sight, out of mind. His rivals did not stop advertising so they got his business (not that this does not happen). My point is that I don't want to give advertisers power over content decisions on the programs which they advertise: it's not their place. Their decision to advertise should only be based on either total readership/listenership/viewership or the demographics of that audience or both, not over what is being written/said/shown because the latter is not relevant to the former. But that's not the way it works because of the bullying tactics employed by people who don't grasp the concept of free speech.

        Simply put, if you don't like what is being said...don't listen to it. No one is forcing you to read an article/listen to a show/watch a program you don't like. As Opie correctly points out, there's a big difference between "I'm offended" and "I'm offended and no one should be allowed to listen to him". I don't abide by that kind of censorship.

        I also find such pushes hypocritical on the part of the protestors. These are often the same people who want government out of our lives or people who don't want corporations controlling us. It seems that when conservatives get offended (typically the small government type), they want the government to step in and do something about it; and when liberals get offended (typically the anti-corporate type), they want corporations to step in and do something about it (or step out and thus do something about it). But since this stupid post is about the latter, I'll conclude with this: You can't resent attempts by corporations to control our lives while simultaneously wielding them to control the media content we're exposed to.
     

SIRIUSLY...

      I cancelled my satellite radio service on Saturday. I had been thinking about doing so for a couple of months now. I love the Opie and Anthony Show and have been a fan since 1998, but I'm either moving on from it or have been made to move on from it and I think it more the latter since my easy distraction from the show began only after the merger/hostile takeover of XM by Sirius.

      I can't help but feel the Opie and Anthony Show has been neutered by Sirius management and examples of this abound from their being shoved into a smaller studio when their old studio remained not only functional but actually remained. Listeners who used to regularly come in to watch the show on XM and occasionally participate on-air (giving us for better or for worse characters like Stalker Patti, the retarded Laverne and Shirley, Big A, Pat from Moonachie, Tippy Tom, and Bobo) could no longer do so. Interns, so vital to the show both to keep it running smoothly in the background and occasionally comedy fodder for the show were at one time taken away and although now, after much elapsed time have returned, they are not allowed to participate on the show as they once were despite the fact that such participation gave us the likes of Sam Roberts, Nathaniel, Derek, Travis, and Danny all of whom went from interns who got a break on the air to full-fledged underpaid employees as well as interns who didn't get hired like David, Pat "Fucking" Duffy, Jared, Bob, "Wild" Bill, and Noah but who provided the show with hours of on-air entertainment. Modern Sirius management would have prevented the show from acquiring and showcasing their talents.

       The Opie and Anthony Show have not done live gigs for their listeners in quite some time and certainly not with the frequency that was common back on XM and WNEW nor has the show broadcasted from other cities in years or been able to do any events like the Comedy and Animation festivals of yesteryear. Radio contests have all but disappeared, having been reduced to practically random callers when they do have something to give away. I don't even remember when their last true contest was but I assure you they were all on XM and terrestrial radio. The Eggnog Drinking Contest, Sex for Sam, Money Honey, Staple Gun Roulette, The Voyeur Bus, The Rat Eating Contest (which introduced us to the foul-mouthed, ever ready with the insult Frenchy who turned what was supposed to be a disgusting dish by virtue of it being rat meat and prepared it so well that people were actually asking for seconds), What Would You Do for Britney Spears Tickets?, Gay Marco's bid to win N Sync tickets, the ever infamous Most Offensive Song Contest, Homeless Shopping Spree, the 55 Gallon Drum Challenge, Has-Been Corner...and that's just what immediately comes to mind. The past two years? I can't think of thing done that would qualify for classically memorable in that vein.

       Don't get me wrong, the talk part of the show is still compelling when they have things to talk about and guests who are willing to be interviewed. However, the element of randomness has been taken from the show and that is one of the Opie and Anthony Show's great strengths in that they could put shit together on the fly and make it into good radio. But without participation from listeners in studio or from interns; without contests and the jockeying for the host's attention/praise/approval that comes from such contests/promotions/giveaways, that chaotic element is lost and causes the show to suffer.

      Even the loss of the rivalry between the two companies  hurts the show and not just from the comedy crucible that is competition but because many old bits where that competition is showcased have now fallen into an abyss of sorts. This also goes for classic bits done by the show. Anything that runs afoul of corporate policy cannot be aired even though it has already been aired so more bits fall into the abyss never to be heard from again unless you've been obsessively recording the show. And such bits require quite a memory on the part of the listener because Opie and Anthony can't even mention the bits on air that they can't play to help listeners find them. That Most Offensive Song Contest? Even though it aired on REGULAR radio and no songs had any language in them that would run afoul of the F.C.C. (that is not to say some of the songs were not censored to make them F.C.C. compliant), the contest cannot be done again or even replayed on SATELLITE RADIO! Satellite Radio if you will recall, is the HBO of radio. You can curse, talk graphically about sex and other bodily functions, use ethnic slurs, and all sorts of other things that the F.C.C. would normally fine a radio station for but even with that elevated status and mind you, this is also a service being paid for, such a contest is no longer possible on satellite radio (and yes, technically it would be permissible on terrestrial radio still so long as your company would stand behind you but that would be less likely given the consolidation of media in general to just a few companies that started in the mid-1990s thanks to deregulation so no, it's not you when you wonder if radio really has gotten worse over the years...it actually has!)

      So while I would occasionally stop what I was doing and listen intently to what was being said on the show, I found myself doing it less and less because so much more of the show had become filler and again, and I can't stress this enough, I don't actually blame the show for this. I thought about it for weeks. My original plan was to stick it out to the end of their contract in October when I felt the show would actually end because Opie's disgust with the company is more than obvious but after weeks of thought, I pulled the plug on my subsciption (a subscriber since October 2004, when the show debuted on XM Satellite Radio). I don't know what I will do with my newfound free time. I imagine it will take a few weeks before it all settles in and I begin to rediscover those things I had generally kept on hold or had otherwise put aside but I look forward to those days.

      In a way, I am free. I am not happy with how it has come about but it is done.

UNDERSTANDING IS A THREE-EDGED SWORD...

      Anthony of the Opie and Anthony Show is going on another of his rants about taxes and I love the myopia of it all. He's quoting a statistic that 1% of working New Yorkers pay 43% of all the taxes and he cites this solely as overtaxation.

      Now, I'm not going to say that taxes in the state of New York aren't higher than perhaps they need to be. I agree with Opie when he says he wants to know where the money is going because clearly there is much waste going on that is not being addressed. He even said that he would pay more in taxes if he knew it wasn't being wasted. However, waste isn't the sole issue that taxes are so high on the wealthy and it's the one point that he never addresses: the spread between the highest and lowest incomes.

      I think, back in the 1960s when the top 1% of this country made about 10% of the nation's income, the pay differences between a CEO and his lowest salaried workers was about 24 to 1  meaning the top earner earned twenty-four times what his lowest paid employees made. Nowadays, when the top 1% earn over 24% of the nation's income, CEOs make over 275 times what their lowest paid workers make (and that number would be even higher if their contracted labor - the cleaning crews - were factored in).

      The wealthy pay more in taxes not only because they make more money, but also because they make a lot more money than the people below them. If the income spreads were evened out to be more like the 1960s, the top 1% would still pay more in taxes as a whole number, but less as a percentage...but God forbid they look at that part of the equation.

      So...his side and my side...now what's the truth?

AND THEY'RE BACK...

      So Opie and Anthony have signed another 2-year deal. A mediocre one in Opie's words. I hate to admit that I'm feeling a little disappointed. It feels like I'm turning my back on a friend; but I have to admit that I was looking forward to some time off. Two more years of the same now.

      Oh well. It's not like this is a bad thing in the end. I like the humor. I like the laughing. So it's not really a loss to me. I really should be more responsible. I guess it'll be easier when I'm living alone since then it'll all be on me officially rather than being resentful that it's all on me now when it shouldn't be.

HELLO. MY NAME IS VACHON AND I'M AN OPIE AND ANTHONY LISTENER...

      Tomorrow is the last day of Opie and Anthony's contract with Sirius/XM satellite radio and I have to admit I'm a bit torn over what I would like to happen.

      I love the Opie and Anthony Show...a lot. They've been a source of dependable joy for me for the past six years since their last firing when they had about two years off. I'm one of those dedicated listeners. I don't participate in the show directly by calling in or writing on the Instant Feedback wall...I'm not that funny. But I do like the show enough that I can listen to its entire five hour broadcast. Five hours is a lot of time taken from my day to dedicate to a show, no matter how good. I can't help but wonder what else I might be doing with my life if I didn't feel so compelled to catch their show every weekday morning.

      At the very least I'd be listening to more music. Maybe I'd actually get my necessary chores done on workdays instead of my days off leaving those days to be fully enjoyed rather than only partially as it is now. As much as I would miss them, I can't help but think I would be better off without them or could, at the very least, use a break. I feel like I'm admitting an addiction.

      I figure, worse comes to worst, they'll either end up on an FM station or they'll podcast. And yes, I would follow them there because damn it...it's a funny show. Vicious, dark humor. The kind I could never get away with even amongst my closest friends. It's so cathartic to listen to.

      I'll just have to wait until tomorrow...

8-TRACK PORN

I had no idea stuff like this even existed. A listener to the Opie and Anthony Show sent this in a while back. You've gotta hear it to believe and the commentary on it is fucking hysterical. Enjoy!




(originally posted to That Other Journal on October 10, 2009)