I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS!!!

       This is an actual profile that I am still reading on OKcupid. I had to break for a moment. My brain is hurting and I have no idea if this is for real or what but holy shit!

ADDENDUM: This profile actually shut down the overthinking, insists-on-categorizing-everything part of my brain for a time. I may have actually reached a higher meditative plane...if only I had some question in need of answering - I may have found it! I may have to remember this entry whenever I am in need of a mind-cleanse :-)

My self-summary

graduated from college at the age of 12 with a double masters in molecular biology, specializing in the effects of phakopsora pachyrhizi on asian soybeans in non-indigenous continental U.S. + northern renaissance art history, but opted out of scientific endeavors or antiquarian commentary in order to open up a light bulb manufacturing company (mostly halogen) in india at 19. though after wearing lehenga cholis grew tediously uninspiring, seeing as i'd given up touring (classical pianist child prodigy) years before, sought out a PhD in neo-classical composition (particularly the ever popular silent symphonies for dogs) as well as opened up a culinary school for wayward vegan orphans.

pretty fucking dull. huh.

ok. more like:

A) circus freak
B) commercial music supervisor
C) syndicated crossword puzzle constructor
E) creative director/art director
F) professional classical ballet dancer
G) freelance writer
H) music festival producer
I) dessert caterer
J) college professor
K) all of the above
L) some of the above
M) none of the above
N) now with 10% more filling
O) all but "D, X, Y & Z"
P) are we there yet?!

[answer correctly and win a delicious cookie.]
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What I’m doing with my life

• showering with houseplants
• avoiding potholes
• rewiring lamps
• pining for cuddles
• waging war with dust bunnies
• mailing 'you' surprises
• terrifying men

discussing quantum physics, 45s, slip n' slides, pie-baking techniques, snoopy sno-cone machines, taxidermy and mountaineering with squirrels

I’m really good at

a sea urchin arrived with no return address...

------> ceci n'est pas un oursin <------

The first things people usually notice about me

say. do these jeans make my feet look big?

(also. um. during december's blizzard i was approached at a bar and asked if i was "(username) from OKC?" which was pretty damn embarrassing. + another dude recently outed me in a coffee shop. loudly. but at least y'all know that my photos preach the truth.)

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food

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the king james version, of course. i believe it commences as follows:

1. in the beginning Dog created the heathen and the mirth.
2. and the mirth was without form, and void; and bark-i-ness was upon the face of the sheep. and the 21+ and over spirit of Dog moved upon the face of the waiters.
3. and Dog said, "let there be tights!!!": and there were tights.
4. and Dog saw the tights, that they were good: and Dog divided the tights from the bark-i-ness.
5. and Dog called the tights Doris Day, and the darkness he called Knight. and the evening and the mourning were the first day.

MORAL: never underestimate a great pair of wolfords.
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The six things I could never do without

if we happen to hang out...

bold on 'paper'. often shy in person.
when not inciting laughter or stunned silence...
the quiet wallflower at the fête.
most guess mid to late 20s.

never devoid of new stories nor 'mystery'
~ despite the details on this page ~
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ABSOLUTELY CRUCIAL TO NOTE & YOU WILL BE QUIZZED: compliment & gift-giving prone...which seems to scare the bejeezuz out of the vast majority of my dates, as the former is frequently misinterpreted as premature infatuation rather than basic kindness.

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but yo! i can count the number of times (a mere 5) i've gone on more than 5 outings with any one guy. and rarely choose to move beyond date 1, 2 or 3. i.e. am probably a helluva lot more selective about who i opt to continue to see, than you. i'm also extremely independent and have been single by CHOICE for maaany, many moons because i don't believe in bestowing pet names for the wrong reasons. so realize that if i ask when you're available to hang again, tell you how hot you are, stick a miniature harmonica in your pocket, bind you a book, praise your achievements or great hair and arms or offer to pyrex you brownies......i'm probably keen on getting to know you better but ---------> this does NOT mean that i'm wanting to transform you into an instant Boyfriend!!!!! <--------- it means i'm a @*#& nice person who likes to make people happy.

so pleeeeeeeeeease don't invade my inbox (!) if you don't know how to handle lots of compliments or other cool shit. i'm the warm-hearted (think amélie), game-shunning type. but am sick beyond belief of being told that i'm "too nice". and of meeting guys who claim to be kind & considerate, but who are not so very nice at all. so if you're the type who needs an evasive *chase* or a bitchy/fickle/apathetic prospect to feel masculine, challenged or fulfilled, associate niceness with neediness or aren't adult enough to ask questions rather than jumping to ridiculously unfounded conclusions about my intentions,
skip this profile entirely
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I spend a lot of time thinking about

delicately munching tulips...

premarital interdigitation.

the scent of old library books and freshly mown grass...foreign mannequins...blowing bubbles on strangers in the dark...getting dirty with power tools...whistling tea kettles...presents for (others for) no particular occasion...ripe window condensation...the sand 6-inches _below the horizon line at the end of a warm-blooded day...how to get my ass semi-permanently living & working overseas again...vittles...building a steady-cam from scratch...re-learning how to sail...the "K" shelves at barnes & noble...husk tomatoes...renovating an old house of my own one day...dusting off the Singer...my 'new' acoustic yamaha...the ocean...asterias forbesi...languages... spooning...just 5 more minutes (in bed).

the roof-grazing 8-tiered retro barristers that i found for rock bottom $ on craigs, which have been cleaned up and stuffed with goodies.

the 2-wheeled hotties i occasionally lock eyes with for all of 3 seconds in passing on the manhattan bridge. [seriously. if you RIDE A BIKE (!) with frequency i'm already partially interested.]

where to nest for a couple of months in spring 2012. (i'll be visiting italy come may...though if you've got an apartment worth swapping or renting in czech/ dutch/ french/ icelandic/ italian/ portuguese/ swedish-speaking europe...i'd love to hear about it.) the ability to work abroad (+ take time off when i feel like it) rocks.

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• first kiss = 22
• first boyfriend = 28
• first time a boyfriend uttered the phrase "i love you" = never

as a late bloomer i spend a lot of time wondering if the former will ever happen. especially since so many youth-obsessed guys in their 30s and 40s consider 37 "over the dating hill".

i've never lacked confidence and am asked out now
(as well as ask out) plenty....but the glue has yet to stick.

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how difficult online dating can be. because it destroys getting to know someone the natural way...i.e. slowly and with far less pressure to immediately make an infallible first date impression, without a sea full of 'maybe-the-next-slab-of-hotness-to-enter-his-inbox-will-be-even-better' temptations.

most dudes on this site seem more keen on obsessing over their latest visitors lists and which new babe might have written, rather than shutting laptops to explore connections in the flesh. (there's a term for this: cyber addiction.)

or ponder the following: what are the odds of stumbling upon 5-20 chicks per month in the real world worthy of asking out on a date? this is what i dislike about OKC. waiting 2+ weeks for a second rendez-vous because dudes are too busy exploring the rest of the chica candy jar. even if sparks appear to be mutual.

conveyor belt dating kinda blows.

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On a typical Friday night I am

let’s animate a film...found a magazine...create weird guerilla street art...co-author a book...patent an invention...build furniture...raid critical mass with a horde of hippity hops...simultaneously learn a new instrument...paint trompe l’oeil murals in my hallway...convince 50 of our friends to mail a postcard on november 11th to a stranger in iowa...concoct a meal for friends using only food items which begin with the letter “C”...sublet an apartment someplace beautiful overseas, if not move to paris altogether...blueprint our next treehouse...record an album played on bike spokes...split a sleeping bag...straddle freight trains...harvest an etsy fortune...plant a fire escape sunflower garden...tip over kayakers on the gowanus...span the brooklyn by foot in search of chinatown's oddest gourd...pummel billyburgers with potato gun pellets...pillage amateur night at the apollo...make kites...put 7lbs of colored sidewalk chalk to admirable use...mold a massive sandcastle...compile your mom an awesome mix cd...open a pop-up boutique...paper-mâché our own piñata...plot a scavenger hunt...hit the symphony in chucks...commit random roadtrip debauchery or pedal to coney island on the fly!!!!!

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*TRANSLATION: i don't care about lofty degrees, how much money you bag or that your abs make other men weep. unemployed high-school drop out? fine by me. but please be IMAGINATIVE (!!!!!) and ever-curious and adventurous and gutsy and driven and unexpectedly DIFFERENT and incredible at what you 'do' and fond of making things and decidedly atypical. it's your mind and heart and personality that i'm after. what sort of fun shit would you like to do together, which can't be attributed to any other guy???

i'm not here to meet for drinks with even 1% of the 2,250+ who have written over the past 13 months. i'm a busy chick who is hoping to meet amazing guys outside of my own social sphere. but 90% of you come across as cliché-plagued clones with little in common who clearly ain't done much more than stare at my pics. complaining about how much you dislike talking about yourself online and how it'd be so much more productive to meet in person? also a cop out. we're ALL more engaging in real life + chemistry trumps. but if you haven't put forth any cyberspace EFFORT(!), we won't be cracking jokes over guinness.

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this isn't a numbers game!
i'd rather receive 5 awesome notes
than hundreds of lifeless ones.

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:o)

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The most private thing I’m willing to admit

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OCCASIONALLY. BUT ONLY ON TUESDAYS:
aa bondy, ada, air, akufen, al kooper, aloe blacc, ambulance ltd., amon tobin, andrew bird, the andrew sisters, andy fairweather low, ane brun, angus & julia stone, animal collective, anna calvi, antheil, antibalas, antony & the johnsons, april smith & the great picture show, the arcade fire, aphex twin, au, autechre, the avalanches, bach, a band of bees, band of horses, the band, barber, bartok, barzin, bauhaus, the beach boys, the beatles, beck, the bee gees, beirut, benoît pioulard, bernie schwartz, bertrand burgalat, beta band, bill holt, birdy nam nam, bishop allen, the black dog, the black keys, blakroc, blitzen trapper, blonde redhead, blossom dearie, boards of canada, the books, bon iver, bowery electric, bowerbirds, brian eno, the brian jonestown massacre, british sea power, broadcast, broken bells, bunny paul, burial, the buzzcocks, the byrds, calexico, califone, canned heat, caribou/manitoba, carston jost, cary brothers, castanets, cat power, the cave singers, celebration, chad & jeremy, charles trénet, !!!, chris garneau, cibo matto, clare & the reasons, the clash, the clean, click horning, coconut records, coralie clément, crossover, corelli, the cure, daedelus, daniel wayne, dark dark dark, death from above 1979, deerhoof, deer tick, delphine, department of eagles, dEUS, devendra banhart, devotchka, the dirtbombs, dm stith, the dodos, donovan, dr. dog, D*R*I, the duprees, duran duran, dymaxion, echo & the bunnymen, ed harcourt, edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros, eglantine gouzy, electrelane, electric light orchestra, elliott smith, the english beat, esquivel, etienne charry, excepter, fapardokly, farben, fats waller, the felice brothers, felix da housecat, the flaming lips, film school, fischerspooner, the 5.6.7.8s, fleet foxes, flight of the conchords, flotation toy warning, four tet, françois de roubaix, fred neil, fridge, frontier ruckus, fruit bats, fugazi, the fugs, gang gang dance, general elektriks, god help the girl, the goodnight loving, gottschalk, graham nash, grandaddy, the gun club, harry partch, henrik schwarz, herb alpert, here we go magic, high places, the holmes brothers, horse feathers, i'm from barcelona, the inkspots, interpol, iron & wine, isan, jacques dutronc, james vincent mcmorrow, jamie lidell, jana hunter, janelle monáe, jane's addiction, j dilla, jd mcpherson, jeff buckley, jeffrey kaufman, j. frank wilson & the cavaliers, john cale, john lee hooker, joseph arthur, joseph de bologne de st. george, joy division, j. tillman, ken nordine, keren ann, kid koala, the kinks, komeda, lady & bird, ladytron, lali puna, langhorne slim, leonard cohen, les savy fav, lesser gonzalez alvarez, liam finn, liars, the libertines, lightning dust, lightnin' hopkins, liliput, little joy, the liverbirds, lone pigeon, looper, lou reed, low, the low anthem, mancino, marissa nadler, märz, mekons, minkus, the monks, the morning benders, morning disaster, morr music, mozart, mr. airplane man, muslimgauze, m. ward, my morning jacket, the mummers, the mynabirds, nancarrow, the new pornographers, nick drake, nickodemus, nicola conte, nicole atkins, the nights, the 1900s, noir désir, noonday underground, nosaj thing, of montreal, okkervil river, othar turner, otis redding, out hud, PAJO, paloma faith, pale saints, panda bear, patrick watson, pavement, peanut butter wolf, pela, pete and the pirates, petipa, phosphorescent, piano magic, the pixies, plaid, plants and animals, pluramon, pole, port o'brien, pram, the pretty things, prince, psapp, quasi, quinn walker, the raincoats, rasputina, ray lamontagne, the reigning sound, the residents, ricardo villalobos, richard hawley, ricky nelson, robert johnson, rodgers & hammerstein, rodriguez, rogue wave, the rolling stones, roy orbison, S.A.M., sam cooke, satie, schubert, scissor sisters, scott richardson case, scout niblett, seabear, sean lennon, sébastien schuller, the seeds, serge & BB, sex pistols, sharon jones & the dap-kings, shuggie otis, sigur rós, simon & garfunkel, sin fang bous, slint, the slits, sly mongoose, the smiths, the snowdroppers, solex, sondre lerche, songs of green pheasant, the specials, dj spinna, spoon, steinski, stevie wonder, stravinksy, sufjan stevens, summer at shatter creek, sunset rubdown, swayzak, talking heads, tav falco, tchaikovsky, thao nguyen, them, the 13th floor elevators, those darlins, throw me the statue, timber timbre, tim 'love' lee, the ting tings, tom waits, tom vek, travis, trost, turin brakes, the turtles, tv on the radio, 22-20s, under byen, the unicorns, the various monikers of uwe schmidt, vampire weekend, velvet underground, vetiver, vienna vegetable orchestra, villagers, violent femmes, the walkmen, wanda jackson, warsaw village band, white denim, white rabbits, why?, willis alan ramsey, willie nelson, will oldham, X, yeasayer, yellowbirds, yo la tengo, yma sumac, yuka honda, zeb the pleb, the zombies, birdsong, your naughty whispers, the resonating modulation of a well-oiled zipper

~ ad infinitum ~

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YES, WE HAVE BANANAS:
abbott, auster, bashō, bataille, baudelaire, bell, bowles, camus, carroll, m. (...), chandler, cleary, cortázar, curie jr., dahl for adults, dunn, eugenides, fénéon, foucault, fuentes, gombrowicz, gorey, hammett, hearn, hellman, hrabal, kawabata, kurkov, markham, mcdonald, miller, (ryû) murakami, nabokov, mr. oft-misunderstood-N, ōe, o'hara, perec, queneau, sante, saroyan, saunders, sheffield, snicket (aka handler), stoppard, tosches, vian, west, non-fiction doorstops of all varieties, "the audubon society field guide to north american birds", "the story of ferdinand the bull", "alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day", "monsieur de st. george: virtuoso, swordsman, revolutionary", "the worst album covers ever", "wall and piece", "webster's unabridged"

CURRENT DOORSTOPS:
"the favourite game"
"guitar method book 1"

RECENTLY THWACKED
(IN ORDER OF FREQUENTLY UPDATED APPEARANCE):
••1•• "the stories of breece d'j pancake" ••2•• "overqualified" ••3•• "dishwasher: one man's quest to wash dishes in all fifty states" ••4•• "when the astors owned new york: blue bloods and grand hotels in a golden age" ••5•• "neverland: j.m. barrie, the du mauriers, and the dark side of peter pan" ••6•• "he's just not that into you" (a friend insiiiisted that i read her loaner copy...i'll reluctantly admit that portions made me snort) ••7•• "crow planet" ••8•• "crabwalk" ••9•• "the halfway house" ••10•• "i promise to be good: the letters of arthur rimbaud; volume II"

----> nerdly eye candy recommends always welcome

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WITH A SIDE OF VINTAGE STEEL:
amadeus, amélie, anvil, attack of the killer tomatoes, barry lyndon, the bicycle thief, the birds, the black stallion, blade runner, boogie nights, breaking away, bugsy malone, caveman, (original) clash of the titans, donnie darko, (original) escape to witch mountain, everything is illuminated, 42nd street, gigi, girl on the bridge, happiness, gummo, the jerk, kill bill, to kill a mockingbird, the kite runner, koyaanisqatsi, little miss sunshine, little otik, lord of the rings, memento, my architect, my fair lady, napoleon dynamite, nosferatu, the party, pleasantville, the royal tenenbaums, rushmore, safety last!, saturday night fever, (japanese) shall we dance, the shawshank redemption, sixteen candles, slumdog millionaire, star wars, the thief of bagdad, the triplettes of belleville, the untouchables, up, the virgin suicides, welcome to the dollhouse, witness, the yes men fix the world

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AND BUTTERED TOAST:
anguissola, arcimboldo, arens, ashley, audobon, balthus, banksy, bass, beardsley, bernhard, bosch, botticelli, brinkley, caesar, calder, caravaggio, cassat, chéret, degas, dix, dürer, eakins, ensor, escher, estes, flagg, foujita, giotto, gorey, grosz, guimard, hammershoi, hine, holbein, hohlwein, homer, hopper, jason, klimt, knight, larsson, la tour, leydendecker, madonna, manet, magritte, man ray, marinetti, mcmullan, moser, mucha, nara, nunca, parrish, petty, piaggio, posada, potter, rockwell, rodchenko, ryden, sabuda, sargent, saunders, schiele, sendak, sowa, sozyone, toulouse-lautrec, utamaro, van gogh, vargas, vallotton, van allsburg, watson, weegee, whistler, wood, wyeth, my mama......(warnin': not big on most modern non-representational schtuff unless amazing technique is involved. for instance pollock + others who fit within the "my neighbors' kid coulda made that" mold make me wanna urp.)

what? i got it all wrong?!
oh hell.
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(psssst. i've reached out first to 6 out
of 19 OKC dates...so yes...i will initiate
contact - IF i fall within your designated
age range - and if a profile really entices...
though since admittedly very few do...
note that a smokin', customized missive
sent from an otherwise lackluster or
evasively vague profile can def work
redemptive wonders.)

I’m looking for

• Guys who like girls
• Ages 28-45
• Near me
• Who are single
• For long-term dating, short-term dating

You should message me if .
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if you don't mind that i sometimes walk out of my apartment with my shirt inside out and place lotion on my toothbrush when i'm sleepy.

if your name is zach galifianakis, jamie lidell or rob sheffield.
it's been a while since we've chatted...

if you'll joust flashlights with me in a corn maze!!!

if you wanna go granny smith-pickin' in upstate NY. by piggyback, chuckwagon or zzzzipcar. [home(mmmmm)ade pie to follow] or play hookie on a weekday for a bike ride to fort tilden...before the sun disappears for good.

if you'd enjoy a marathon evening watching the ridiculously odd assortment of dvds that my mom recently gifted ("meerkat manor", "coraline", "the girl with the dragon tattoo" + "the best of 21 jumpstreet") whilst playing "is that the remote or are you just happy to meet me?" under the sofa covers. (<---these are seriously still wrapped in cellophane, in wait for just the right guy.)

if disenchanted with the OKStupid experience + hoping to weed out someone special worth keeping and to
spend more time on
split this blankety blank site for good.

if you appreciate that i ——unlike most lassies in their 30s—— haven't L-I-E-D about my digits. you'd neeeever have guessed my age had we met in the real world, nor doubted a 20-something OKC # had i not been truthful...and would probably feel pretty effin foolish about having discriminated online based on caveman machismo principles if you'd sucked in your gut before approaching at a concert or a bar. (realize that not all 30+ are surfing with expedited marriage agendas. my bod is also pretty damn tight. so set aside your stereotypes, boys.)

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if you haven't hatched a generic profile (nor lazy, cut-and-pasted-to-the-masses, 1-to-20-word intro 'note') that's gonna børe to beers...i.e. if INSPIRING!!! because the so-called: ••••• "Hi. I like your pics and you sound interesting. Care to chat or meet for a drink? —Insert Name" ••••• "competition"......is not.
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if my "On a typical Friday night" section has stirred a honkin' woodie.

if you've got the balls to match the wood.

<--- barring the former...
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NON-NEGOTIABLE GOTS'TA HAVES:
can't stress this first bit enough: genuinely nice (!!!), THOUGHTFUL & CONSIDERATE. with everyone. not just those confined to your 'posse'. (basic *manners* and authentic kindness have become a nearly obsolete rarity...it takes soooo little effort to be decent. my mama done taught me well. the same better apply to you.)

nor this: 100% EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE (i.e. open to and hopefully craving something girlfriend-y, long-term & meaningful if 'this n' that' align...NOT
surfing out of boredom, to get over an ex, in quest of wishy washy 'friendship', a back-pocket bang until the girl of your dreams hits your inbox nor the lay of the week.)


also...visibly happppy (!!!), ridiculously C*R*E*A*T*I*V*E, openly affectionate, more goofball kid than sophisticate, happily godless, capable of keeping it in your pants until ready for profile-disabling monogamy (since nothing says "i had a great time, respect your body and am really game on pursuing YOU." more than logging on multiple times daily after making like al green), HONEST (never thought i'd have to list an 'obvious'... unfortunately nearly every OKC guy i've met has misrepresented himself in some fashion in major ways), a bestower of bear hugs which squeeze + willing to make TIME (no matter how busy!!!) to spend with someone nifty.

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------------------------------------------------------------------------ *meaning if your job keeps you overwhelmingly slammed... and setting aside an hour per week for a walk/adult bev/cuppa joe/ thumb wrestling quickie = a calendar burden...please, (as too many of my dates have done), don't waste my time.
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:)

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(FUTURE AWKWARDNESS DETERRING) CONDOLENCES,
AKA 'THE DEAL BREAKERS':
"let's be fwends!" (word. i'm here to date hawt available dudes, plus have too many super duper c*ck-blocking guy buds that don't get to see enough of me as is. echo echo: "i. am. not. trolling. a. dating. site. to. discover. new. friends." — besides...if one of us is non-reciprocally undressing the other with his/her eyes...purely platonic motives def ain't gonna fly), spiritual gurus (if that little tab has been marked jewish/christian/catholic/etc...even if but 'culturally', as so many of you doth protest....sorry, we're not a romantic match), ciggies (exceptions sometimes but raaaaaarely made for those on the quit), penpal seekers n' remotely located blokes (anything beyond a 60mn subway ride is sadly pushing it), already a sweet papa (love kids, but am not comfortable dating men with children), kitty bashers, without a history of/not currently/recently in therapy (nor in need of it) for depression. it's just too difficult to be the rock for two people. (i know. i've tried.)

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NEGOTIABLE (ALBEIT MOST EXCELLENT) GRAVY:
vertical enough (at least my height) so that i still feel girlie & non-gargantuan in heels, indie-ish (corporate/ preppie/ perpetual baseball cap wearing types have yet to do it for me), tune-venerating, outdoorsy &/or athletic, eventual overseas &/or west coast relocation prone, al-key-hall diggin' (eschewers take note...my fam is in the wine biz, i enjoy zee sauce + do vastly prefer the company of fellow elbow benders), not dependent on farcebook for social life maintenance, have cited specifics that you're hoping to grail (which points to experience and maturity) vs implied "i'll know it when i see it" vagueness, NOT a beardo/ mustachio/ goatee-o/ uh oh facial fur spaghettio (for sadly inexplicable reasons the mr. scruffalufagus look just kills all "take me on the kitchen table, NOW!" attraction...ergo best be willing to mow the 'lawn'), within biking distance from this respective chick's current brooklyn location, own and love riding (minus the lycra, please...unless a hardcore long-distancer) a frickin' bike!!!

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***OF EXTRA IMPORTANCE. PLEASE NOTE THAT I AM HIGHLY ALLERGIC TO, i.e. WILL BREAK OUT IN GHASTLY HIVES OR SELF-IMPLODE IF MISSIVES ARE RECEIVED FROM &/OR CONTAINING THE FOLLOWING:

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"i can't believe i
read
the whole fucking thing!"

pointing out the length of my profile is equivalent to commenting on a tall guy's height (like, duuuuh) and asking if he plays basketball. it's lazy. it's reeeeeeally, really, really, REALLY irritating. it's predictable. it's tactless. it's a surefire way of letting me know that our personalities, attention spans, curiosity levels, sense of humor and tastes are gonna clash. DON'T DO IT.

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age fibbers...

...you duplicitous, insecure sorts ought
to consider this sage, ancient proverb:

Each time man removes
a year from his legitimate age,
his p***s shrinks an inch.

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the (aggravatingly pretentious) terms "intellectual", "intelligent", "erudite", "cerebral", "academic" and "smart as a whip" (incidentally, whips are not –adj- smart, they –verb- smart, as in the rendering of painful stings...which doesn’t sound very –adj- smart to me),...or for that matter "witty", "creative", "clever" &/or "funny" when used as arbitrary, chest-walloping self-descriptors. (empty adjectives are absolutely meaningless, yo. let others judge for themselves via WHAT you have to say.)

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"partner in crime", "as comfortable wearing/ visiting/ ingesting/ upchucking ____ as _____", "...and we'll take it from there", "if i've piqued/peaked/peeked your interest", "if u like what u see", "L.evitating O.ver L.obsters"

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acting headshots/ misleading photos/ ancient photos/ no cheshire chops (so many solemn lookin' fellas on this site!)/ perpetually masked behind shades

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"think outside the box, collapse the box, and take a fucking sharp knife to it." ~ banksy................ deciphered: if unable to distinguish between intentional moo moo mooooo-defying page scrambling meshed with a hefty dose of sarcasm, versus the truly mentally unwell, please withhold related disrespectful commentary. crazy/insane/nuts are not complimentary terms. (revealing that you're as sharp as miss teen usa 2007, as imaginative as neil young's "dead man" soundtrack, as considerate as a movie theater yapper &/or entirely lacking a funny boner isn't the best way to summon attention.)

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polymath, polyglot, polyphonic, polyester? no prob. polyamorous? i am NOT nor will i ever be interested in your open relationship nor joining you and your lady friend at the 'gym'. (kindly place mr. oscar mayer back in his bun and keep him there.)

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most poetry, all poetry readings, most modern dance, most jazz, yoga, all meanies, kindles n' nooks, in-tea-leck-chew-all anything

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openly adding me to your favorites (i don't publicly display my own) without ever writing (meet the new WINK) or from a profile which proves we ain't got much of anything in common is the best way to ensure ya get ignored or....blocked. an inbox missive which couldn't have been crafted for any other girl is the way to go. (this broad always pens one-of-a-kind customized notes. you should too.)

~ happy hunting ~

: )

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PEE ESS: rather than having to time consumedly reiterate to this, that and some other bloke (especially if even our utmost basics don't correspond) what my page already reveals as to why 'it' just ain't meant to be, i'd rather focus my efforts on hombres whose profiles and notes most clearly match what i'm jiving. that said...13 out of 23 (i.e. a whopping 57%...cricket silence works both ways) of my own first moves have never received replies, which sucks of course. so in light of the former: mucho pre-thanks for niceties + humble, advance apologies if a response ain't received